koinonia

How you doin'?

2010-03-24T23:59:00.004-04:00

Hmmm...it's been a while. Usually when I don't blog for several months it either means that I have had more "in person" processing time, or that I'm really busy. Both are true in this case.

As I've accumulated more and more long-distance friendships, or friends whom I only get to see every few months, I've had more and more trouble answering the question, "how are you doing?" upon our reuniting. I generally find this a difficult question to answer because it is so broad, but it feels even more difficult when there are weeks or months worth of responses to somehow combine into a coherent thought.

So instead, here are two questions I've decided are easier for me to answer (and ask).
1. What is it like to be you right now?
2. How have you been living?

In my mind, these two alternatives are essentially asking the same thing, but leave more room to respond with something other than, "I'm fine/good/bad/ok. And how are you?" They draw out a more full response, and bring up the points that the other person is really most interested in sharing, I've found. They are questions that allow you to describe your actions (work, rest, play, things you have done recently), but also just describe a general emotional state or rhythm of life.

The first question in particular seems to allow you (or me, at least) to describe yourself in relation to your surroundings, work, relationships, emotional state...etc. The second questions allows you to describe life in a way that is more holistic (more of a focus on living, than just doing/being) than when answering the question "how are you doing?" Perhaps the distinction is too nuanced, but for me these have been more helpful questions to ask others, and be asked in return. They help me to "get into a person's shoes" and understand a little bit more what life is currently like for them.

I wonder how I might be able to tweak some of the standard doctor-patient questions to allow more room for a holistic response?

Flash Forward: medical technology and life abundant

2010-01-01T20:37:00.005-05:00

I just finished watching a New Year's program called "Flash Forward" that highlighted some of the techology that was in its infancy 10 years ago which is now mainstream and has changed lifestyles immensely. The program went on to talk about ideas and technology that are just being invented and ironed out now which are predicted to make massive changes in the next 10 years (much of which is medical).

I'm drawn back to the same tension I've thought, blogged, and talked about before.

Techology does some amazing things. Some technology does actually trickle down. X-ray machines, vaccines, MRIs, just to name a few. Even if you don't have medical insurance, the general public does have access to these things, provided they know where to go to get them. No, they aren't distributed evenly, but overall, these are examples of technology that have vastly benefited almost all of society.

The process of researching, discovering, and inventing new technology also teaches us new things about ourselves, the world, and environment (and, I would say, sometimes even about our God).

But I don't think that new technology is always the answer. I don't think that changing our genes is necessarily better than changing our lifestyles. And our medical technology doesn't always (often doesn't) trickle down. It is an entirely different thing to ask if our technology should always trickle down to the general public. I am uncomfortable saying yes and no to that question.

It is hard for me to hear about all the crazy new technology that focuses on changing genes, super high tech procedures, and trying to double people's life spans, when there are so many people who may never have access to that technology (or at least not for a long time). What would help them now is not better technology, but health care professionals who are freed to spend a little more time with them in each visit to focus on lifestyle changes and prevension. This would require those health care professionals to be better paid (avg. primary care physician in an underserved area gets paid the same as a plumber...hard to sign up for that when you have 200,000$ + in loans). And then there is the question if all the new technology is actually what is best for us. It may be what we want, but is it what we need? Sometimes. Sometimes not.

How do we decide when to spend money on research and new technology, and when to use that money to address healthcare disparities? Is it possible to do both at the same time? When is medical technology the best solution to someone's health, and when is it something else? How do we use medicine to not just extend life by certain number of days, but to actually make that life abundant? Is that even the role of medicine?

I start the New Year stuck in the same tension between "life" as medicine defines it, and "life" as I have understood it through Scripture, felt it myself, and observed it in others. And in the tension between expensive medical advances and high profile medical care, and an increase in services and care "for the masses."

"So, what brings you in to the doctor today?"

2009-11-30T23:09:00.002-05:00

I recently had to write a paper on the theories and models of the doctor-patient relationship. There is the paternalistic model, in which the doctor knows best and tells with patient what is wrong and dictates the care plan. There is the engineering model, in which the doctor gives the patient the facts and allows the patient to decide their own health plan. Then their is the collegial model, which emphasizes the need for relationship between the doctor and patient. It states that the doctors role is to listen, ask questions, advice the patient based on medical fact but the ultimate care plan is to be shaped by both the patient and the doctor, so that it takes into consideration the patient as a whole person, not just an isolated illness.

These all have different pros and cons, and (in my very limited experience) it really depends on the patient. In general, you (are supposed to) start with the collegial model, and adjust if you have to. The paper led me to think about the general role or job definition that physicians have. Although the obvious answer might seem to be, "heal people/improve their health," I'm learning how debated that answer is in the medical community, both in what it means and in its legitimacy as an answer to the question. A lot of the debate ends up centered around the doctor-patient relationship, and how the doctor is supposed to view the patient.

If the doctor views the patient primarily as a disease or illness, rather then a person, then the goal is simple: fix it. It might sound kind of harsh to say that these kinds of doctors don't see patients as real people, but as something to be cured, but they also get a lot more done. They see more patients a day (ie. they technically have more chances to heal), and the patient generally always receives the best care in the medical/scientific sense. Some patients seem to want this in their doctor, others don't.

If the doctor views the patient as a friend, or younger sibling, they might be really great at hearing the whole story behind the illness or injury, getting all the social/psych/family background, sympathizing or empathizing well, and maybe even sharing a personal fact about themselves. But after all of that, a lot of time has been spent and nothing has been done about the acutely medical need. Yet, a great relationship has been built, trust built, and whatever advice the doctor does give might be carried out more effectively by the patient because of that relationship. Again, pros and cons. Some patients think this is just a waste of time, others need it before they can trust the doctor.

I'm going through the gospels as my Advent reading, and its making me wonder: how would I classify Jesus' doctor-patient relationship. Sure, it gets more complicated because, well, He's the Son of God and knows people lots more intimately then I will ever know my patients. So maybe the question is more: what kind of doctor-patient relationship does Jesus teach others to have (noting the difference between following/imitating Jesus, and actually being Jesus)?

I'll let ya know what I think after I read a little more. After all, its only the second day of Advent :)

Built to Last

2009-11-28T21:04:00.003-05:00

I am in the midst of studying for my anatomy exams, so this is just a quick thought.

When I buy something, say, a piece of furniture, or electric appliance, or article of clothing, I always hear my mom's voice in the back of my head, "you get what you pay for." And behind that little saying is the implication that things don't last forever. Applicances break, furniture gets shabby, and clothing wears thin. Sure, we can take good care of our belongings and they last longer, but very rarely do we buy something with the intention of keeping it in tact and working for the rest of our life.

As I've studied anatomy, one thing I have found so amazing about the body is that it is really built to last. Of course, we age, things go wrong, and we die, so still the physical body has its limits. (and yes, it really matters that the physical body as we know it on earth has limits, but that is a whole different topic) But in comparison to the vast majority of possessions we have, the body really is built to last a long time. What else do we use every day with so much stress that lasts for so long? It is amazing to take apart the body and see all of the tiny ligaments, tendons, joints, and muscles that hold us together. Every movement our body makes, from a long run to the slightest twitch in our sleep, relies on the fact that all these body parts are put together properly, and are doing what they are supposed to do. Individually, each of these parts are so delicate and vulnerable. I can squeeze two vertebrae in my hand with enough force to cause life-long pain in a person, but when they are inserted into the vertebral column, with all of its protections and connections, they are one of the sturdiest parts of our skeletal system. And aside from surgery, we don't really revamp our body the way we would refurbish a computer or load batteries into a flashlight. It comes with the machinery to do that itself.

Pretty cool :)

Leaf Blowers: a lot of hot air

2009-11-04T12:18:00.007-05:00

Leaf blowers. There are probably a very select few situations in which they are appropriately used. Mostly I think they serve no real purpose and just contribute to pollution, but I suppose if you had a really really large quantity of leaves in some area, they could blow the leaves together into a pile for you to rake up more easily.

Needless to say, this is not the way leaf blowers are used typically. Every morning on the walk to school there are several men blowing leaves off of the sidewalk and into the street. Over the course of the day, the cars on the street push them back onto the sidewalk, or the staff of other businesses in the area have to deal with them (often just by blowing them back).

Perhaps you know where I’m going with this…

Why should the leaf blowers care where the leaves go, as long as they aren’t on the property that pays them to get rid of the leaves? They did they job they are paid to do. Should anything else be required? A question that at some point that all individuals and groups have to ask: Why should I/we care about anyone or anything that is not directly related to me/us? (if there is such a thing...)

The leaf blower example is over simplified, but I think it goes a long way. Not caring about what happens to the leaves, as long as it isn’t your problem, is inefficient. It gives you more work (ie. you’re not really getting rid of the problem), it diminishes the value of your work, and it creates unnecessary work for other people. I wonder how often we function like this in day to day work: simply through the routine of the work, not stopping to think about its effects. There’s more to be said about why it is important for a society to feel that the work they do has value, but for now I’ll just say that even if there is no emotional or justice-related concern for what happens to those leaves or if they actually get taken care of, it is still advantageous on a personally economic (and psychological) level to care about it.

It’s one thing to spend extra time raking up leaves, but as soon as the analogy gets extended to apply to national, international (and actually even familial) policy and practice, the situation becomes more complicated. I think this is partially due to the fact that it is harder to see and feel the personal gain that comes out of caring more deeply about the welfare of others or the quality of a particular job and how it is connected to the welfare of others.

I think that scripture affirms the notion that “your welfare is found in the welfare of others,” both in Jeremiah 29, but also more widely as a general theme. (I’m going to pull a Laura and choose not to exegete that right now). I will say though that it is a pretty dramatic command to find find one's welfare in the welfare of others while you are in exile, which was the case in Jeremiah. My own opinions on how much that philosophy of welfare, in addition to the general idea of grace, should shape and influence government and policy are in constant transition. Even if I come up with an opinion, it’s hard for me to know where to begin in terms of application. In many ways, I think addressing the topic on the level of leaf blowers is more practical, and just as biblical. At least that is how my brain is wired. Where are some practical places that small adjustments in policy and practice can be rethought to improve the value of work and move towards an economy that recognizes our interrelated welfare?

*not trying to attack the guys who blow leaves, just using them as an example.

Genomics and Immortality

2009-10-30T10:11:00.002-04:00

Jonathan asked me the other day if I thought we could get to a point in medicine when we could make people immortal, or cure them of all disease, or at least extend life by another hundred years or so. At first I quickly dismissed those as possibilities, at least for the general population. Well, I have been in my genetics and genomics unit for the last week and now I am not so sure.

A lot of people in medicine right now are really pushing the idea of personalized care, meaning that we can sequence everyone’s DNA genome and therefore know exactly what disease they have, what kind of medication would work best, in what amount, and what kind of effect it will have. There are some great benefits to this! It means that we could know if a child has the genes for a disease that will develop later in life that could be prevented or at least lessened. It means that medication could be given effectively (a surprisingly large number of people die or are made worse due to medication complications) because doctors would know exactly how much they need, of what, and how their body will react. Treatment like this would significantly decrease a lot of health care costs, number of unneeded tests and medications, and would decrease time spent figuring out what is wrong and how to fix it.

There are also some potential drawbacks, or at least strong ethical concerns. Parents could know the exact genetics of their child while it is still in the womb, and could choose to abort if they don’t like what the genome shows. With gene therapy, parents could “fix” the genes of their in-womb child. Individuals could do that for themselves as well, though to a slightly less degree given our current technology. People could request to see the genomes of their girlfriend or boyfriend before deciding to marry and have kids. Sites like match.com could start to include a section for “genetic profile.” Ok, so that is a light-hearted example, but the point is that people who have some hidden genetic mutations, or just not “ideal genes” could be intentionally selected out of the mating pool. Here are some questions this raises for me:

-who would have access to the genomic info of another person?

-what effect would this have on insurance, if a genome showed that a person was predicted to get, or at high risk for a particular disease?

-what would the psychological impact be on society if people were able to know all of their different genetic mutations?

-what effects would this have on procreation, choosing spouses, and abortion?

-would we turn into a standardized society with a definition of “ideal” or “perfect” genes that people will preferentially select for? (ironically, diversity in the gene pool is actually considered a sign of a “healthy” population that is of low risk to severe mutation, but even that would change if you could control or fix mutations)

Right now these techniques are too expensive for the average person, but that is predicted to change over the next 10-20 years, so getting your genome sequenced could be as routine as getting your basic childhood vaccines. So this isn’t as far-fetched and distant as I initially thought.

So to return back to Jonathan’s initial questions, having your genetic sequence and using gene therapy wouldn’t definitively cure a person of all disease, but it has potential to cure a lot of the deadly illnesses.

Suddenly, an important question arrises: Is mortality an illness? If the role of scientists and doctors is to heal and cure the sick, and if we generally say that saving someone’s life is the goal of a medical procedure, then it seems to follow that trying to extend peoples’ life would be a good goal (I don’t mean just keeping old people alive forever in a state of sickness). That has certainly been the trajectory of medicine so far. One of the key methods of analyzing health of a country is to look at the average life span, and almost all countries have increased their avg. length of life over the last 100 years. But what if we have the technology to make people double their life span? No, that isn’t immortality, but it would have HUGE consequences on daily life and the core philosophy of life as we know it.

For me, this brings up the core question of what the goal of medicine and scientific research is. I think that technology has many great benefits, and I think that healing people is a good and valid life profession (or it would be hard to be in med school). I think that giving people the physical experience of going from sickness to wellness is a way of helping people experience the gospel, and a God who is all about giving health to the sick in the most holistic and eternal way possible. But I internally squirm when I think of us being immortal, or even living two or three times as long, here on Earth because of our advanced technology. I do think we are meant for eternal life. But isn't there a difference between the eternal life with God that scripture talks about and eternal life that we could give ourselves? How much does God inform and move forward our technological advances? How can we tell? The goal of life and health is similar to God and scientists/doctors, but do they move towards them in the same ways? Does God use doctors and scientists to do this? Are we even able to comprehend what God means when he talks about eternal life and health, or are our thoughts and definitions too feeble and small to really have any idea what He intends for us?

Questions that I do not have answers to, but that I think will persist thoughout med school.

"So, what brings you to the doctor today?"

2009-10-13T22:52:00.003-04:00

I recently had to write a paper on the theories and models of the doctor-patient relationship. There is the paternalistic model, in which the doctor knows best and tells with patient what is wrong and dictates the care plan. There is the engineering model, in which the doctor gives the patient the facts and allows the patient to decide their own health plan. Then their is the collegial model, which emphasizes the need for relationship between the doctor and patient. It states that the doctors role is to listen, ask questions, advice the patient based on medical fact but all the ultimate care plan to be shaped by both the patient and the doctor, so that it takes into consideration the patient as a whole person, not just an isolated illness.

These all have different pros and cons, and (in my very limited experience) it really depends on the patient. In general, you (are supposed to) start with the collegial model, and adjust if you have to. The paper led me to think the general role or job definition that physicians have. Although the obvious answer might seem to be, "heal people/improve their health," I'm learning how debated that answer is in the medical community, both in what it means in its legitimacy as an answer to the question. A lot of the debate ends up centered around the doctor-patient relationship, and how the doctor is supposed to view the patient.

If the doctor views the patient primarily as a disease or illness, rather then a person, then the goal is simple: fix it. It might sound kind of harsh to say that these kinds of doctors don't see patients as real people, but as something to be cured, but they also get a lot more done. They see more patients a day (ie. they technically have more chances to heal), and the patient generally always receives the best care in the medical/scientific sense. Some patients seem to want this in their doctor, others don't.

If the doctor views the patient as a friend, or younger sibling, they might be really great at hearing the whole story behind the illness or injury, getting all the social/psych/family background, sympathizing or empathizing well, and maybe even sharing a personal fact about themselves. But after all of that, a lot of time has been spent and nothing has been done about the acutely medical need. Yet, a great relationship has been built, trust built, and whatever advice the doctor does give might be carried out more effectively by the patient because of that relationship. Again, pros and cons. Some patients think this is just a waste of time, others need it before they can trust the doctor.

I'm going through the gospels as my Advent reading, and its making me wonder: how would I classify Jesus' doctor-patient relationship. Sure, it gets more complicated because, well, He's the Son of God and knows people lots more intimately then I will ever know my patients. So maybe the question is more: what kind of doctor-patient relationship does Jesus teach others to have (noting the difference between following/imitating Jesus, and actually being Jesus)?

I'll let ya know what I think after I read a little more. After all, its only the second day of Advent :)

Stolen Bikes and Starbucks Seats

2009-10-05T18:11:00.005-04:00

For the last three months, every morning on the way to school I would pass Jeffrey, who would sit outside Starbucks asking for money. After the first week, he stopped asking me for money and would just say hello, ask how I was doing, and we would chat for a few minutes. It was a small thing, but I enjoyed the regularity of seeing him every morning (although ideally he wouldn't have to beg outside starbucks). In the afternoon when I passed by, he would ask, "so what did ya learn today?" and I gave him some medical fact before going on.

As of last week, I don't see Jeffrey anymore. Starbucks put up a rail about 7 feet off the side of the building and put inside of it some more permanent tables and chairs. It looks nice. It keeps the street litter from coming in and allows people to sit and drink coffee without beeing bumped into by folks on the side walk. But it also means that Jeffrey can't sit there anymore, at least not without buying something first. Earlier today I saw him a few blocks away by CVS and said hello. He said he doesn't like sitting outside CVS as much. "The people aren't as friendly," he said. "I think coffee makes people happier, they give a little more money."

The scenario is a small picture of a much larger issue. Starbucks does something to make their store a little nicer, not in itself a bad thing at all, but it displaces Jeffrey. The same thing happens on a bigger scale when new stores and houses are built in lower class renting neighborhoods where rent prices fluxuate. What makes me frustrated is that there shouldn't be anything wrong with making a nicer store front, fixing up houses, and improving the neighborhood. These are beneficial things that don't end up benifiting the people in the neighborhood. How did the system come to be like this?!

On a related but different note, last friday a bunch of bikes were stolen from outside my apartment building. Mine had already been stolen earlier in summer. A women saw the guys doing it, yelled and said she was going to call the cops. The cops came later and asked some questions, but let's be honest...DC police have better things to do with their time then chase down bike theives. Since I live in a newly renevated building, all of the people have just recently moved into the area. As I read the responses to the bike theft (and attempted break in earlier last week) on our building listserve, I was so frustrated. These events confirm their prejudices and stereotypes and I wanted people to love the neighborhood.

It is absolutely true that stealing and breaking in are wrong. It is legitimate to feel anger and hurt in response. And if we were to look at it on the flip side, there are negative effects for our neighbors due to the fact that our building was redone, new people moved in, and it has made the block "nicer." Their feelings of powerlessness and "being moved in on" are just as legitimate (though harder to quantify).

When I think about what God's goodness looks like, I see something that doesn't discriminate. It isn't good for one person and not another. It is good, all the time and to everyone (though maybe not always felt as such). But we don't see that played out in life on earth very often. What is good for my apartment building and for starbucks was not good for the neighborhood and for Jeffrey. And what Jeffrey and the neighborhood might define as good may not feel that way to others. But God's creation was a creation of goodness. Tov! It's tov, very tov! And it's our hope that it will once again be (and is on its way to becoming) even more good. That isn't a goodness that is easy for us to see, or understand, or even to have the faith to hope for. But I think I'm learning that solid faith in God's goodness actually changes the present reality (not just my perception of it in some spiritual sense) into something that is in fact closer to the goodness of God, because it changes what I do, see, say, think, and understand. And our faith and hope in promised goodness is legitmate because "he who promised is faithful." (Heb 10:23)

Ambulence Sirens

2009-09-14T23:08:00.005-04:00

I live a little under a mile away from Howard University Hospital. One of the things this particular hospital is known for is its excellent trauma department. I hear ambulances with blaring sirens going down the main street near my apartment all the time. At least one per hour, I would estimate, and sometimes more depending on the day and time.

I had an exam this morning, which meant that the last few days were consumed with studying. Since I have been studying mostly in my apartment, I hear these ambulances quite frequently. Hearing them while studying to become a doctor is an excellent characterization of some of my current frustration with being a student again. There I am, slaving away memorizing which enzymes cleave which parts of DNA, when, how, and what the significance is, and out there is all the action: real doctors with real patients.

Of course I am glad that those real doctors went to med school and learned their stuff, and that this is simply the stage of life I am in right now. I am generally someone who really enjoys school. I enjoy learning, and sometimes studying, and I am able to make the connection between working responsibly as a student in a subject area I love and worshipping God. God's given me a mind that can think and learn in a paticular way, and a desire to learn a particular set of material. Ignoring or not using that gift is not glorifying to Him, and I believe that God delights when we live and move and have our being in accordance with the way He made us, rather than trying to invent false selves.

But sitting there studying, even though I can feel connected to God in doing so, still leaves me longing to be out in the "real action." It isn't because the studying is boring, or because I don't understand its importance. Even Israel had to go through massive training in the "wilderness school" before being ready to live in the promised land. Yet, it is easy to disconnect time spent studying or "in training" from God's greater purpose. But the second they are disconnected, the preparation looses its purpose and despair ensues. Israel had to continually be reminded about who God is and what He promised not only because they were forgetful and it is important to not forget about God, but because their life situation wouldn't have made any sense outside of that context. They had to intepert the present through God's work in the past (creator and liberator), and through His promise for the future. Without the past there would have been no trust or sense of identity, and without the future there would have been no hope. And yet trust, identity, and hope are to be used in the present.

So in some ways, the amublance sirens are helpful in reminding me about the future (not that I want to be a trauma surgeon...). They also have the temptation of allowing me to think that for now my job is to study and that one day my job will be to heal people, when in fact we are created to preserve life, or "be salt," at all times, not just after going through the proper training.

Bright Lights

2009-09-02T20:47:00.009-04:00

In an effort to focus on the blessings I have/am being given, and to remember how God defines himself for us as being always enough, here are some "bright lights" from daily life in DC. (this is in opposition to the moping around that I've been doing recently)

Sunrise at 6:08 am. True, it is early. But I enjoy my morning time of drinking coffee, reading some Words, and getting ready to face the day. Leaving the apartment at 7:20am. The morning air is a little cooler and people are starting to get up and move about. And, His mercies are new EVERY morning!

Georgia Ave. The street I walk down to Howard. Even though I dislike the frequent cat-calls, I do like that I am starting to recognize the different people I see every morning. I'm friends with the guys who sit outside Starbucks in the morning asking for money. Every morning Jeffrey asks, "how's it going Stefanie?" Every afternoon, "so, what did you learn today?" And I tell him a fact I learned during the day.

One of the schools I pass on the way to the grocery store. The little kids are always out in the afternoon playing soccer or football and they are sooo cute!
This is probably my favorite part of the neighborhood. It is a mural that lasts almost the length of the block and is entitled: wholistic peace. It was sponsered by the DC community economic development group. A group of youth worked on it all summer and it was awesome to see them put so much effort into it and see people stop by and ask about it and encourage them.

Some other bright spots that I don't have picture of...

Even though I've only been here 2 months, I have gotten to spend time with a lot of friends!

-Laura (my peton!) drove through and we had an excellent time at IHOP and driving.

-Margaret came for a few hours and we had some great chat time at the Potter's House.

-Lindsey came by on her way to a conference and we also had great chat time.

-Rachel Han came over for dinner while she was here with her family on vacation. Catching up was so gooood!

-Sarah Stew is now living nearby and working nearby and we had dinner and decided we should be friends :)

-And tomorrow I'm having dinner with Janice and a friend of hers.

All in all, I'm really not as alone as I have allowed myself to feel.

"Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be frightened, and do not be dismayed, for the LORD your God is with you wherever you go." Joshua 1:9

Nutrition through the lens of the Gospel

2009-08-24T19:56:00.003-04:00

A wise person once told me that all things can be done and seen through the lens of the Gospel, but it is the things that you, in particular, are able to see do through that lens that show you what God has built you to work and care for in a unique way. One day our eyes wil be fully opened, but for now, we have to pay attention to where we are given the most sight.

Learning and thinking more about nutrition while in med school has been a process that was much more clearly linked to the Gospel (creation, fall, and recreation) then other subjects I’ve studied, though really they could all be linked in such a way.

Here are some threads of one train of thought…

There are many decisions that people think pretty intentionally about. For many, choosing a doctor or dentist or babysitter or school for their children recieves many hours of research, consulting among friends and co-workers about the best options, and even going to try it out before committing. For some, this process is just as involved when choosing a gym, or neighborhood to live in, or place to worship. (on a side note, one way that I would assert the existence of oppression would be the situation when one group of people has many good options when faced with these choices verses a group that has perhaps the same number of options total, but has significanly fewer good ones, hindering the ease and probability of making a choice that will be of greatest benefit).

All of these choices have significant daily consequences on a person’s well-being. To take it to a slightly more detailed level, people make intentional choices about what kind of company they keep, who they date, what media they engage with, what they read, and what kinds of medications they take.

To go with the medication example…when the doctor prescribes a medication, the process is actually pretty involved. First of all, you went to the doctor, so you are getting a professional opinion. Second, the doctor has other people she/he consults with (pharmasist, collegues, and you) to determine a good course of treatment. Then he/she is supposed to teach the patient about the medication- how to take it; when; how much; with what kinds of food; possible side effects…etc. Even for just over the counter tylenol, people read the back labels to know how much to take depending on age/weight, and how often, and what exactlythe effects might be.

Choosing a diet (I don’t mean a weight-loss plan; I mean choosing how we interact with food) should not be any different. On a biochemical level, the food we eat is like medication. It effects every single one of our body functions down to the very ability for us to be alive, and places us on a gradient between life and death. It effects our emotions, physical state, mental state, and spiritual state. (not sure about that? Try fasting. Or try eating a bag of jelly beans all at once). Never would we go the pharmacy shelf in CVS and grab any old medication and take it without considering if it was actually relevent for our illness and what its side effects and dosages are. But we do exactly this with food. I’m not suggesting we become obsessive about every thing we eat. I find it sad, however, that proper nutrition is the easiest and cheapest way to care for our bodies (which leads to care for the rest of ourselves), and yet we often disregard it.

(Granted, not everyone has equal options to eating in a way that cares for their body. Not even everyone has the equal option to eat period. But that isn’t what I’m addessing here. )

The God of our creation cares about our physical being! I’m convinced! If he didn’t, it wouldn’t have been effected by the Fall; He wouldn’t have come to earth as a healer, showing people the nature God in part through physical healing; He wouldn’t promise a bodily resurrection and a day when there is no more sickness. These things wouldn’t matter to a God who didn’t care about our physical being. But instead, we are commanded to love God with mind, heart, soul, and STRENGTH! We aren’t allowed to rank those. What we do with our bodies matters a lot to this God of creation. Just as Christians talk about the need to be spiritually fed and built up, we also need to be nutritionally fed and built up to glorify God in our bodies, which are living temples. Jesus was distessed and even angry to find the temple being turned into a marketplace, filled with things that weren’t meant to be there. Do we care as much when we fill ourselves with things that don’t help us to function as we were meant to and be most alive?

transition, transition

2009-08-12T17:56:00.003-04:00

Clearly my lack of posting indicates that med school is A LOT OF WORK. Not to mention I still don't have internet at my appartment (which makes me very productive at home!)

On Jonathan and I's first Sunday in DC, the church we went to used this quote in the sermon:

"My Lord God, I have no idea where I am going. I do not see the road ahead of me. I cannot know for certain where it will end. Nor do I really know myself, and the fact that I think I am following your will does not mean that I am actually doing so. But I believe that the desire to please you does in fact please you. And I hope that I have that desire in all that I am doing. I hope that I will never do anything apart from that desire. And I know that if I do this you will lead me by the right road, though I may know nothing about it. Therefore I will trust you always though I may seem to be lost and in the shadow of death. I will not fear, for you are ever with me, and you will never leave me to face my perils alone."
-Thomas Merton. "Thoughts in Solitude

That pretty well describes the transition process to DC.

I'm getting to know people and places more by now, and feel some connection to life here. I've been reading through the story of the Israelites leaving Egypt and journeying through the desert for many, many years. I'm struck by how often they needed to be reminded of who God is (LORD), that God IS (I AM), and who they are (God's people). Transtions expose all kinds of fears and doubts, but this is the comfort we're given. God is. God is God. We are God's.

"Is the LORD's hand shortened? Now you shall see whether my word will come true for you or not." -Numbers 11:23

Lateral Lines and Panda Bears

2009-07-02T00:54:00.007-04:00

Have you ever seen a big school of fish swim? They all swim together, making the slightest turns in perfect unison. They can do this because they have a sense organ called the lateral line that detects vibration and movement in the water. This way, fish avoid collisions and orient themselves with the flow of the current.

I've been in Turkey for the last 2 weeks, and have lots of interesting blog-post worthy thoughts and questions from time there. This post relates to something my sister said while walking down a hot and crowded street in Istanbul.

"Why can't people walk more orderly?! I hate it when everyone is bumping into one another. Can't people be more like fish, you know, have lateral lines or something. This is so annoying!" (imagine that said in a mixed tone of sarcasm and whine)

People definitely do not have lateral lines. Life as a human being is messy. We're not like pandas, who live most of their lives in isolation, spending time together only to mate and raise cubs. We are not like fish, who are always together, and even work together to hunt, but never bump into one another.

We are made for community, but functioning together as a community is not smooth or even natural. You don't need to walk down a crowded street in Turkey to realize that; it is usually apparent at the family dinner table.

While in Turkey, I thought about what it is exactly about wealth that makes me uncomfortable. I have spent different parts of the last 22 years embracing wealth and living into it, as well as truly hating it, and trying to escape it. Neither felt right. A lot of my discomfort has to do with the fact that in my experience, wealth turns people (myself included) in to pandas or fish. (disclaimer: these are not by any means the only effects of wealth, and other things can lead to these states of being as well).

Pandas are self-sufficient. They use their panda community only when they absolutely need to (mating, and extreme food shortage). They don't need other pandas; they have the ability to get everything they need all on their own. Wealth can allow for this kind of lifestyle as well, and the luxuries that wealth gives often promote a more isolated life-style (quiet day at the spa, big house outside the city, car rather than public trans, ipods, private school with small classes...etc). But it isn't just about isolation; it is about isolation born out of self-sufficiency.

Fish, on the other hand, are not self-sufficient, but they also don't actually communicate with one another. They communicate with the vibrations in the water created by what is around them. They are also almost completely identical. As soon as there is any kind of significant difference, those different fish break away and form a new school and ultimately become an entirely different species. You see, each species of fish has a unique lateral line, and any variation in that will mess up the perfect swimming formation. When people are all the same- have the same goals, doing the same things- society tends to be more streamline. Wealth, in my experience, allows for a certain degree of "streamline-ness." It allows people to remove themselves from the chaos of society and steamline into another social group which does things together but doesn't actually require interaction. (if God had wanted a streamline society, He certainly wouldn't have created two genders which differ so greatly)

We aren't pandas and we aren't fish. We are made for community, rather then self-sufficient isolation, but we are not programmed to form streamline community that looks and acts the same. We are made to bump into one another- to both smooth and sharpen one another.

Perhaps that was a harsh view on wealth. To be fair, poverty has its own set of characteristics that lead to broken communities and should definitely not be glorified. I think what makes me so uncomfortable about the panda/fish scenarios, is that the more time I spend developing close relationships and communities, the more I firmly believe that it is that process that teaches me about God . The forming of community is a redeeming and sanctifying process because it makes us more like God and the community of Father, Son and Spirit.

tennis ball fuzz and surf wax

2009-06-12T02:48:00.003-04:00

Playing tennis and being at the beach for the last week reminded me of the reasons why I love tennis and surfing...so here's a random fun post about that...

Things I love about tennis
-the sound and smell of opening a fresh can of balls
-ball fuzz, and how it gets everywhere (in the soles of my shoes, between racket strings...etc)
-the squeaking sound of tennis shoes as they scurry to hit the ball
-drills and targets
-the personal and intense nature of the game. Just you against another person.
-that I feel like I can still be girly and be taken seriously
-that it is a sport equally valued among men and women
-the satisfying sound of smacking the ball right in the sweet spot
-spinning the racket in your hands as you wait for your opponent to serve
-the naturally polite and sportsmanship-focused nature of the game
-the perfect combination of strategy/skill and athletic ability. Both are absolutely necessary.
-while tennis can very much be a team sport, I like it for its individual quality. Probably because I like being in control (sigh). When something goes well, it is because of your skill. When you lose a point, it is also because of you. There is no blame shifting and full transparency in what kind of a player you are.

Things I like about surfing
-the smell, touch (and taste? no...just kidding) of surf wax
-the way water washes over the board for the first time in the day
-the science of waves (balls of energy that push water up as they crash into the sand. SO COOL)
-seeing the fish swimming below as you stand up on the board
-long rides and long boards (9 ft or longer only)
-getting as close to flying as humanly possible
-always knowing that it is never you controlling the waves. They are always more powerful, and surfing is like being allowed to enjoy their power. You're being moved by something much stronger then yourself, and you'll get to shore one way or another. If you let the wave do the work, you get there with speed and style. If you fight the natural motions of it, you end up in a tangled seaweed mess.
-feeling ridiculously small while sitting on the board in the vast ocean
-the feel of salt, sunscreen, and sand on your skin after a great surf session

Interesting. Tennis is all about perfecting your control over the ball, and surfing is all about realizing the lack of control you have over the ocean. Love them both.

Lessons Learned

2009-05-26T23:00:00.001-04:00

There are many, but here are a few things I've learned, or at least thought more about, over the last year:

1) What I'm good at (and feel particularly equipped to do) and what I enjoy doing are not always the same. I've learned to be (more) ok with enjoying things I'm not good at and still feeling their value. But I've also learned how to let some of those things go and embrace more of what I am actually made to do. Sometimes the two coincide, and that feels great!

2) God's plan is always good, but that doesn't mean it isn't sometimes terrifying. I spent a solid two weeks feeling almost convinced that God was calling me into full time ministry rather then med school.

3) God is not just redemptive (ie. redeeming, or perfecting/purifying the ways that the world is broken by our alienation from Him), but He is also creative. God is and does good because it is in His creative nature to create more good, not because of a need to react against our lack of good. He doesn't need us to be good, we need Him to be Go(o)d. This means that we're made to be creative too!

4) Observation. Interpretation. Application. They aren't just good Bible study steps, they are great steps to go through in almost any situation/text/conversation.

5) Fear of God, the kind we are commanded to have, is very different then fear of people/world/situations. The second kind makes us afraid to walk on water, the first makes us fear the God that made us actually able to do it. Sometimes they overlap, but not as often as I usually think they do. Fear of anything but God, I've learned, is almost never a good motivation or decision maker; but what exactly fear of God means/looks like, I'm still learning.

6) Interpretation and point of view is everything. Ok, maybe not everything, but a whole lot. Two people, presented with exactly the same set of facts, or involved in the same conversation or situation, can come away with entirely different interpretations. Different people/groups approach the same situations with different "toolboxes," different ways they are equipped to respond. Communication, I've learned, begins in understanding the other person's toolbox, and therefore the process by which they arrived at their interpretation of some set of facts. Learning this has required me to have a lot more grace for people.

7) There are multiple situations I've looked back on, or stepped back from, and have said, "wow, it really matters that I believe in an all powerful, loving, and strong God." I mean, I know it matters, but after encountering new life situations in the past year, I feel like I have new perspective on why it actually matters so much.

8) Voicing expectations of others, and needs for myself is necessary to healthy relationships.

9) My own comfort, in the general definition of the word, is pretty much never the most important thing in any situation. Not that being uncomfortable is a goal, but that it is never really supposed to be about me. Situations/conversations/relationships that are more about God then about me often lead me away from self-focused comfort, into discomfort, but also into a deeper idea of Comfort as a spiritual state rather then just a self-centered emotion.

10) People pleasing is dangerous ground to tread. In return for our faith in Him, God promises and gives us His pleasure. The pleasure of a person, in exchange for the pleasure of God, is like Esau's exchange of a bowl of MSG soup for his entire inheritance. Peace and pleasure-filled communion with God is our great reward, and it isn't only meant for the future.

Well, 10 seems like a good number to stop at. I didn't write in here much this year because I was always around people processing out loud. I'm planning on using it much more as a process palate next year when I interact less with people and more with text books.

Freedom

2009-01-24T21:43:00.000-05:00

The culmination of the inauguration has left me thinking a lot about freedom. We live in a country that boasts about its access to freedom for all. But we talk about freedom typically as a means to an end, rather than the end itself. We say "you are free to speak, to defend yourself, to have a speedy trial, to pursue prosperity" and more. We never say, you are free to be free.

It is certainly true that the people of America are more free, in many ways, than the people of other nations. Even with the presence of inequality, racism, and prejudices of all kinds, a certain degree of freedom does exist. But the funny thing about freedom is that no one really has it unless everyone has it. If I am rich and my friend is poor, what is my freedom? Should it be said that I am free to help my friend, or free to ignore him. I guess both are technically options, but I want to suggest that feeling "free to ignore" is not actually freedom at all, it is bondage to my status, wealth, and position, rather than freedom to love and serve without worry or anxiety about what I am losing and what someone else is gaining. Is it freedom that allows some to give sub-prime mortgage loans, and is it freedom that allows for landlords and health insurance companies to refuse service to people with AIDS? These are choices freely made, that is true, but they are not made out of a spirit of freedom but rather out of a spirit of bondage. And is it freedom to say to the over-worked inner city single mom with four kids, whose father is in jail, and who continue to pass each grade level despite learning almost nothing that all of her children are free to graduate high school, dream big dreams, go to college, and live the american dream? That is the problem when freedom is the means to the end, rather than an end in itself.

America may be a nation that boasts of freedom, but we are not people who act as though we are free. We have not yet learned that the freedom to consume one another is really just slavery wrapped up in some fancy language.

From Galatians 5

1For freedom Christ has set us free; stand firm therefore, and do not submit again to a yoke of slavery...13For you were called to freedom, brothers. Only do not use your freedom as an opportunity for the flesh, but through love serve one another. 14For the whole law is fulfilled in one word: "You shall love your neighbor as yourself." 15But if you bite and devour one another, watch out that you are not consumed by one another...

18But if you are led by the Spirit, you are not under the law. 19Now the works of the flesh are evident: sexual immorality, impurity, sensuality, 20idolatry, sorcery, enmity, strife, jealousy, fits of anger, rivalries, dissensions, divisions, 21envy, drunkenness, orgies, and things like these. I warn you, as I warned you before, that those who do such things will not inherit the kingdom of God. 22 the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, 23 gentleness, self-control; against such things there is no law. 24And those who belong to Christ Jesus have crucified the flesh with its passions and desires.

No law will ever say that you want these fruits of the Spirits too much, that it is wrong to desire them, or that having more of them is bad. It is living in the full knowledge of the freedom we've been given that produces these fruits of the Spirit.

There are a lot of important, and in some sense, timeless questions that have floated around as we entered a New Year and a new presidential era. My question is this: How will America define or re-define the purpose of being "the land of the free" in an era where it has become acceptable for freedom and massive inequality to co-exist.

Micro or Macro?

2009-01-05T01:02:00.001-05:00

More free time than usual and two 15 hour car rides led to a good amount of reading in the last week and a half. Two books stand out as reflective of a tension I often feel. Jeffrey Sachs' "The End of Poverty;" I finally finished Jonathan's copy of it, and "Finding Calcutta," a quick read about a woman's experience wtih Mother Teresa in Calcutta and what she learned about work and service while there (a Christmas gift from a friend). While the tension is personally relevant, I believe it is one that also inhibits much collaboration and potential for good work in the world.

Jeffrey Sachs is a macro, or big picture, kind of guy. He thinks and talks in terms of systems, structures, societies, markets, and global communities. Yes, he can identify value in one-on-one interactions and even talks about how it is important for policy makers to have face-to-face encounters with the people the policies are for. Still, his mindset is always one of "big picture" work, and clearly, he is pretty great at what he does. (side note- the book was great. Agreed with most of it, and looking forward to reading his next one...ie. Jonathan, hurry up and finish it).

Mother Teresa is very different. She is a micro person. She never (and made a point not to) involve herself in politics and policies, or social systems and structures. She is known for calling herself and her work "a drop in the ocean" or a "little pencil in the hand of a writing God." Momma T writes about herself that she "doesn't agree with the big way of doing things. To us what matters is an individual. To get to love the person we must come in close contact with him. If we wait until we get the numbers, then we will be lost in the numbers. And we will never be able to show that love and respect for the person. I believe in person to person; every person is Christ for me, and since there is only one Jesus, that person is only one person in the world for me at that moment."

Politically minded intellectuals often criticized Mother Teresa for not getting involved in the politics of poverty, for speaking out against abortion and for feeding the poor directly rather than "teaching them to fish." Her response was: "If there are people who feel God wants them to change the structures of society, that is something between them and God. We must serve Him in whatever way we are called. I am called to help the individual; to love each poor person. Not to deal with institutions. I am in no position to judge...All of us are but His instruments, who do our little bit and pass by."

I don't think Jeffrey Sachs and Mother Teresa are complete opposites. They are/were clearly gifted in their respective types of work. Jeffrey Sachs does see value in the individual and reminds his readers that the market/community is made of individual people and it is their interactions, in homes, shops, fields, and street corners, that reflect the effects of policy. Similarly, Mother Teresa certainly had an impact on many people she never met. While she didn't advize any policy or network organizations, her work is known world-wide- it is quoted in speeches and books, and inspires (though often cliched and skin deep) world leaders and common folk alike.

I am tempted to ask the question: which is better? Big picture or little picture thought and work. I can make cases, even biblical cases, for both, and in the end I do think both are necessary and it is unfair to rank them. I don't think the work of big picture policy people lacks emotion, heart, and genuine care for the people they are writing policy for (though this, of course, is not universally true). And I don't think that "little picture" work always makes you more aware of real issues and genuine in heart and care.

So which am I wired for? I am not as extreme as either Jeffrey Sachs or Mother Teresa. Do I have to pick? Can I do both? Am I allowed to want to do some kind of great work in the world?*

The tension between the two brings up a fear of mine. I am afraid of forgetting the personal, intimate, and unique person-to-person value when I think/work in a "big picture" setting. And I am afriad of not having any kind of sustainable or lasting impact through my work if I work for and serve only on a person-to-person level.

The first fear seems pretty legitimate; the second, untrusting of God and prideful. I have certainly seen how very small words or actions have made large impacts on people and even whole communities and I believe that God magifies our feeblest attempts at serving others. I'm comforted by the fact that we are saved by grace through faith, and not by works, and yet I easily become frustrated when I feel like what I do or say doesn't have any or a big enough impact.

Like with so many questions and tensions, I end up with a need for greater trust and humility. Wanting me/my work to be more than a "drop in the ocean" diminishes the size of the ocean. To do justice, to love kindness, and to walk humbly, that is the call.

It is a New Year, and so these verses from Psalm 7 come to mind as I think back on the year and as I think more about what it looks like to have humility as I ponder the tension between big picture and little picture. **

3O LORD my God, if I have done this, if there is wrong in my hands,4if I have repaid my friend with evil or plundered my enemy without cause,5let the enemy pursue my soul and overtake it, and let him trample my life to the ground and lay my glory in the dust.

6Arise, O LORD, in your anger; lift yourself up against the fury of my enemies; awake for me; you have appointed a judgment.7Let the assembly of the peoples be gathered about you; over it return on high.

8The LORD judges the peoples; judge me, O LORD, according to my righteousness and according to the integrity that is in me.9Oh, let the evil of the wicked come to an end, and may you establish the righteous—you who test the minds and hearts, O righteous God!10My shield is with God, who saves the upright in heart.11God is a righteous judge, and a God who feels indignation every day.

*sorry friends, no straighforward answers to these. I do think God works through people to do great things, but it seems rarely seems to be the people you would expect, and often the 'great work' isn't what you would expect either. We are saints, not saviors.

**by little picture, I don't mean "little" as inconsequential or un-important

The Body

2009-01-04T23:44:00.000-05:00

I went to my church in San Diego today for the first time in about six months. I've never really gotten to know anyone there since I am in SD so infrequently, but I love this church a lot. Every time I go I'm newly amazed at how strongly I feel and see God though I'm away from friends, a home church, and a supportive community.

I went a few minutes early this evening and sat in the parking lot in my car, not in the best of moods. I hate being the perpetual new person at this church since I've never really gotten to know anyone. I prayed really briefly but strongly, "God, I need to feel welcomed tonight. I need to feel the church really and actually be the church for me tonight." Then I rushed out of the car because I thought I saw someone I knew- turned out it wasn' them.

I was confused when the main sanctuary was closed, but saw the fellowship hall open instead. I went in, and the room was set up with round dinner tables, chairs, and a cup of wine and loaf of bread on each table. I didn't see anyone I knew so I stood awkwardly near the side twirling my hair and hoping someone would come talk to me. It is strange, that even though I am in church and Christian settings all the time, I still feel intimidated and awkward and shy as the new person.

The assistant pastor, Josh, whom I had met before, came over and talked to me briefly, asked about how IV was going, and introduced me to a couple who then asked if I wanted to join them at a table. Josh said that the first Sunday of the month they have been setting up the room with these dinner tables and chairs in order for a more family-like atmosphere. We were to listen to the sermon, worship, serve communion to one another around the table, and then enjoy a pot-luck dinner together. Even before sitting down I could tell God was answering my prayer....it doesn't get anymore welcoming and community-church like then that.

Before the service began, another couple came to sit at the our table, Ramiro and Wendy. After a few minutes of conversation, I discovered that they were the IV staff for UCSD and Cal State San Marcos. We talked and clicked immediatly, and that feeing of being the new person no one knows felt a couple light years away.

Worship was great. The sermon was the second half of Mark 1. We talked about leadership, and how it is leaders are called to commit, risk, and follow together, and never alone. And that leadership is not defined only by what you do, but by what you have left behind in order to pursue that leadership. I was struck by Peter, still called Simon in Mark 1, and how chances are that never in a million years he would have imagined himself as the Peter of Acts 2.

Service came to a close and it was time for communion. We passed the bread and wine around the table, saying to one another "the body of Christ, broken for you," and "the blood of Christ, shed for you." It was really powerful to say those words and to have them said to me in such an intimate setting yet among people I didn't know at all. I was not just partaking of the body of Christ, but was in it as well.

I couldn't stay for the pot-luck because mom wanted me home for dinner. I left feeling so uplifted and amazed at how perfectly and immediatly God had answered my prayer in the car before church.

Joy to the World

2008-12-25T03:02:00.000-05:00

Love wins.

Peace reigns.

The present is the Presence.

Merry Christmas!

and a few delicious words from our friend St. Augustine:

My dearly beloved Brothers and Sisters in Christ! Here we are at midnight. Candles all around. You’re my children of light tonight, adopted tots in the kindergarten of the Lord! Have I got good news for you this holy eve! It’s from the Psalmist! Rejoice in the Lord! Raise bold, laudacious sounds as only the just can do! Yes yes, you already know what I’m going to say, but hear it anyway with a kind and open ear.

First off, come to love the things you believe!

Then speak out about the things you love!

Yes, we’re celebrating this anniversary day. Christ is born! God of the Father! A human being from a human mother! From the immortality of the Father- from the virginity of a mother. From the Father comes the Principle of Life- from His mother, the end of death!

Yes, my Brothers and Sisters, it’s the Angelic Voice we hear today! A rousing ovation! A feathery fluttering! The Savior came to save us today! What meaning can all this angelistic activity possibly have for us? The angels are His heavenly messengers; we’re His carrier pigeons. Ambrosia aplenty for them; manna galore for us.

A question arises. Just what was that heavenly fare? The Evangelist John had the answer.

“In the beginning was the Word…and the Word was made Flesh, and dwelled among us.” Whose Word? The Father Himself. What Word? The Son Himself. Never the One without the Other.

For humankind to eat the Bread of Angels, the Creator of Angels baked a loaf, the Loaf of Loaves; that’s to say, He was made man. He nudges the stars, but nurses from the breast.

Truth has sprung from the earth, or so the Psalmist has sung. Christ is born of the flesh- and that’s what we’ll sing today! We prayerfully presume we’re the Sons of God. Why? Because we’ve received the power to be such. For your sake the Timeless Cause of time has become a temporal effect Himself. Because of you, my dear Brothers and Sisters in Christ, the Founder of the World has made His appearance in the flesh. Because of you the Creator has become a creature. Now I know you find this hard to believe, so I ask you to believe something else first. God was made man so that He could make men into gods. Without losing a slip of what He was, He wanted to become what He’d made. That’s to say, He made what He already was. How? By adding human nature to Divine Nature without at the same time losing His Divine Nature in that human nature.

When the Wordiness of an Other-worldly God revealed itself as a worldly if worldless tot, and when the Word of God let out, if not the Wisdom of God, then an unholy howl, that’s when we’re talking about the Birthday of the Lord. The Scholars in the East read the Divine Event in the skies. The Shepherds in the hills heard the Angelic Voices. We get the word today, the anniversary of the event, in the solemnity of our celebration. In it we refer to the Psalmist’s prophecy: Truth has sprung from the earth, and Justice has looked down from Heaven. The Truth that holds the world together with rugged hands has sprung from the earth so that He may be held by His mother’s lacy fingers. The Truth that overflows the Heavens’ banks has sprung from the earth so that it may lie within the friendly confines of a manger.

Where did “peace on earth” come from? From the Truth that sprang from the earth; that’s to say, from Christ who was born of the flesh.

The Lord has made all things, and yet He takes His stand among the very things He’s made. He’s the Revealer of His father, and at the same time He’s the Creator of His mother. He’s the Word of God before there were timepieces; He’s the Word made flesh who stoped the clock when He was made flesh. He made the sun with His own hands, and yet He Himself was made under the light and heat of the sun. He remains with His Father, and yet He goes forth from His mother. He’s the Creator of the heavens and the earth; and yet He takes His own rise under the heavens and the earth. As God He has more Wisdom than He can mouth, and yet as a babe He hasn’t enough mouth to utter the Wisdom He knows. His divinity isn’t underwhelmed by His humanity, nor is His humanity overwhelmed by His divinity. He didn’t abandon His divine agenda when He picked up His carpenter’s tools. He didn’t stop holding His universe together with His might arms while He was trying to catch flies with His baby fingers. He put on the clumsiness of the flesh when He entered the Virgin’s womb, and yet His movement throughout the universe wasn’t hampered by the baggy pants. He didn’t take away the food of Wisdom from the Angels while He was supplying us with the sweetness of the Lord.

Let’s stroll in the light of His aura!

Let’s rejoice in His presence!

Let’s be truly glad He’s here with us today, of all days!

Advent Reconciliation

2008-12-07T22:10:00.000-05:00

Pictures from Scott Bennett from Advent 2007's La Posada Sin Fronteras at Friendship Park

http://www.flickr.com/photos/smbennett/sets/72157603486306430/

The Advent season is often filled with so many warm and sentimental memories – favorite foods, intimate times at home with loved ones, beautiful music that fills the air, gift exchanges with those close to you, care for those who regularly go without. Advent is also a time for reflection, repentance and mourning. It is a time to be with our fellow Christians, our families, but it is also a time to reach out to the suffering around us.

So, this Saturday, Dec. 13, La Posada Sin Fronteras celebrates Christian hope and hospitality by gathering as Christians on both sides of the border fence. They meet at Border Field State Park, where the border fence meets the ocean. La Posada sin Fronteras celebrates and mourns because it is important to remember the migration of Jesus, Mary and Joseph and the lack of a warm welcome that they found in Bethlehem. They anticipate the Jesus coming and they mourn the babies that died under the hand of Herod at Jesus’ birth. They celebrate reconciliation and mourn for the families of those who died crossing the US/Mexico border. They mourn as they remember the pain that many families have experienced as they have been migrants at some point in history. They mourn to remember that the borders they have are artificial, that this particular border did not exist prior to 1948 and may not exist again in the future. They mourn to confess complicity in creating them to protect “us” from “them,” and to confess that they continue to enforce these borders to protect the privileged at the expense of those who go without.They celebrate the unity in Christ, and they mourn the border as a symbol and sign of the divisions that separate brother and sister from one another.

weeping and resurrection

2008-11-17T17:05:00.000-05:00

"Jesus wept." John 11:35

One of the more well known verses of the Bible. Jesus knows that he will raise Lazarus from the dead. Mary and Martha are full of sorrow and frustration that Jesus didn't get there sooner. So what then does weeping with Mary achieve? Jesus' weeping confirms the power of resurrection.

In those moments of weeping Jesus confirms that death without the hope of resurrection is unbearably sorrowful. That is the type of death Mary understand Lazarus to have. Jesus spends time confirming what is truly sad in that situation- not that Lazarus is dead, but that Mary's words to Him are, "Lord if you had been here, my brother would not have died." Mary's words show that she doesn't yet understand Jesus to be someone who has power over death.

Earlier in the chapter, He had a similar encounter with Martha. Martha, though, seems to have a better grasp on Jesus' power of resurrection. She says "But even now I know that whatever you ask from God, God will give you....I know that he will rise again in the resurrection on the last day." and she responds with a "yes" when Jesus asks her if she believes that He is the resurrection and the life.

Not that I think Martha knew exactly what Jesus meant by resurrection. But there is a difference between her and Mary's words. Jesus weeps with Mary and co. over a death that has no hope in resurrection.

I've been thinking today about resurrection, and connecting this Mary/Martha passage to 2 Peter 3 :8-9. "But do not overlook this one fact, beloved, that with the Lord one day is as a thousand years, and a thousand years as one day. The Lord is not slow to fulfill his promise as some count slowness, but is patient toward you, not wishing that any should perish, but that all should reach repentance."

I can imagine Mary and Martha thinking that Jesus was slow in his actions to raise up Lazarus. But it wasn't about how long things took for Jesus. And those verses from Peter say that as well. It was about not wishing that any should perish...and in this situation, it was Mary and Martha He didn't wish to see perish in despair.

Yes, of course it was a miracle that Jesus raised Lazarus. But I think the real miracle is in how beautifully Jesus confirms these verses: "So we do not lose heart. Though our outer nature is wasting away, our inner nature is being renewed day by day. For this slight momentary affliction is preparing for us an eternal weight of glory beyond all comparison, as we look not to the things that are seen but to the things that are unseen. For the things that are seen are transient, but the things that are unseen are eternal" (2 Corinthians 4: 16-18)

If Mary had been able to look at the unseen, at the resurrection of Lazarus which hadn't happened yet, she would not have lost heart. (not that i'm blaming her...don't know that i would have reacted any differently). Mary's fixed point of reality was Lazarus' death rather than Jesus as one who resurrects. Mary identifies the problem that we still have- bodily existence is tied to the present age, and the present age is tied to affliction and hardship. But the age to come is tied to resurrection and glory.

I've wondered today what it is that I actually weep about. Do I weep in despair, or do I weep because the fixed points of society are found in the physical world of the present, and not in the eternal one? Do I weep because I personally see no hope, or do I weep because the way the world approaches brokenness and death is largely one that has no hope?

compare and contrast

2008-10-29T18:17:00.000-04:00

I know...it has been a while. Life has been busy.

New Panthers' war on whites

and

White supremacists target middle America

The first article in particular raises this question for me: what are the effects of hate that is openly displayed and clearly stated by the 'hater' vs. hate that is subliminally worked into systems and structures and peoples' mindsets? Is one hate "better" than another?

Which is worse...secret societies like the KKK, or obvious and open words and works of hate? Do they have different effects? Have different goals? Target different people? Emerge from different motives?

Psalm 133
1Behold, how good and pleasant it is
when brothers dwell in unity!
2It is like the precious oil on the head,
running down on the beard,
on the beard of Aaron,
running down on the collar of his robes!
3It is like the dew of Hermon,
which falls on the mountains of Zion!
For there the LORD has commanded the blessing,
life forevermore.

I really can't even fathom how much heart-ache we, the creations of God, cause for our creator.

"The Power and the Glory" by Graham Greene

2008-07-19T20:35:00.000-04:00

Recently finished this book....and liked it very much. Yay for having time to read fiction for fun :) Here is a snip-it from near the end. General set-up: a police officer is bringing a priest to be executed because all things relating to religion/God are forbidden and the government is going about setting up an existence in which God does not exist.

Police officer: "I said I suppose you were hoping for a miracle,"

Priest: "No."

"You believe in them, don't you?"

"Yes. But not for me. I'm no more good to anyone, so why should God keep me alive?"

"I can't think how a man like you can believe in those things. The Indians, yes. Why, the first time they see an electric light they think it's a miracle."

"And I dare say the first time you saw a man raised from the dead you might think so too. It isn't a case of miracles not happening- it's just a case of people calling them something else. Can't you see the doctors round the dead man? He isn't breathing any more, his pulse has stopped, his heart's not beating: he's dead. Then somebody gives him back his life, and they all- what's the expression?- reserve their opinion. They won't say it's a miracle, because that's a word they don't like. Then it happens again and again perhaps- because God's about on earth- and they say: these aren't miracles, it is simply that we have enlarged our conception of what life is. Now we know you can be alive without pulse, breath, heart-beats. And they invent a new word to describe that state of life, and they say science has disproved a miracle." He giggled again. "You can't get around them."

Cost-Effective Community

2008-06-30T19:29:00.000-04:00

We live in a time where Herod is in control...If you stand up and do as John the Baptist did, say a few simple words- such as That is not right; this is not how it should be done; this is not how we should treat one another; this is not how we should life-you are risking death. Sometimes we forget that the Christian life is a risky life, a life that might cost you your own life. This is the context of the text, and also the context of the miracle....This is the Gospel. This is where it is preached, in dangerous times.

From Pathologies of Power:

These are indeed dangerous times. In the name of "cost-effectiveness," we cut back health benefits to the poor, who are more likely to be sick than the nonpoor. We miss our chance to heal. In the setting, we're told, of "scarce recources," we imperil the health care safety net. In the name of expendience, we miss our chance to be humane and compassionate. Herod remains in control, but this is also the context of the miracle: it is precisely such contexts that we have the privilege of reasserting our humanity. Against a tide of utilitarian opionion and worse, we are offered the chance to insist, This is not how it should be done. Indeed, this is always what healers were called upon to say, but now the stakes are even higher. The world is a very different place now than when the prophets roamed the land. Medical technology has changed. We have great laboratories, diagnostic capabilities, and effective medications for a host of diseases.

Certainly, distributing these developments equitably would be expensive. Certainly, excess costs must be curbed. But how can we glibly use trms like "cost-effective" when we see how they are perverted in contemporary parlance? You want to help hte poor? Then your projects must be "self-sustaining" or "cost-effective," You want to erase the poor? Hey, knock yourself out. The sky's the limit.

Similar chicanery is used with a host of other terms, ranging from "appropriate technology" to "community." Through analytic legerdemain- the world is composed of discretely bounded nation-states, some rich, some poor, and each with its unique destiny- we're asked to swallow what is, ultimately, a story of growing inequality.

Is this the best we can do? Attempting to provide a "basic minimum package" for the poor is something that should be done apologetically, not proudly. Even the WHO, which has invested heavily in promoting cost-effectiveness as a means of assessing health care services, recognizes the sharp limitations of this method in improving the health of the poor and thus addressing inequalities of outcome:

"Cost-effectiveness by itself is relevent for achieving the best overall health, but not necessarily for hte second health goal, that of reducing inequality. Populations with worse than average health may respond less well on an intervention, or cost more to reach or to treat, so that a concern for distribution implies a willingness to sacrifice some overall health gains for other criteria."
-Pathologies of Power. by Dr. Paul Farmer.

if you liked this snip-it, read this book! I started years ago and am finally finishing it. Paul Farmer is a strong believer in health care as a basic human right. Many medical professionals currently strongly disagree with this statement. I think the difference in opinion, and the vast array of opinions between Farmer's and medical professionals,' hinges on how 'health' is defined, and therefore what it means to care for the 'health' of a person or a people.

There is one thing Paul Farmer is absolutely right about: everyday we miss chances to heal, and those chances should be viewed as priviledges.

to care? or not to care?

2008-06-13T21:02:00.001-04:00

One of the significant differences between my time in San Diego and time at school over the last few years is my exposure to what is going on in the world in a more global sense. Hopefully this will change next year. I really hate reading the news online...just a personal pet peeve...and I know that there are free newspapers available all over campus so I don't really have any excuses. But there is something so much more appealing at home to sit in the morning in the kitchen with a cup of coffee, bowl of mango crisp cereal, and read the newspaper. Or sit with my dad and watch the news at night, or turn it on while doing the dishes or cooking.

Needless to say, at school if I was knowledgeable about something going on in the world, it was largely because I had made some kind of specific effort to learn about it. Thus, I really got to filter what kinds of world events I heard about and let myself care about. I've found watching the news/reading the paper over the last two weeks kind of like a continual punch in the face in terms of all the crappy stuff that goes on in the world. In no way do the uplifting news stories balance out the tragic ones. hmm...uplifting news story...that's almost an oxymoron.

Natural disasters, environmental concerns, deadly diseases, freak tragic accidents, border trouble, global poverty, kidnappings, sex scandals...the list could go on forever. So the question I end up asking myself is, to what degree to I try to care about all of these things? What level of responsibility do I have to care about them? What is the ultimate purpose of reading or listening to the news?

Some obvious answers are: on practical level, no, I can't actively care for all of these things. In fact, I'll be lucky if I can wrap my mind fully around one of them. So my next thought then turns to, well, if I pour lots of energy into caring about one of those news items...say...healthcare [and by caring about in this case I also mean actively pursuing some way of working to better the situation], and a community exists in which each person cares in that active way about the causes they gravitate most towards, well that would seem to solves things. I do think that that is the kind of community we are called to be, and that peace-making and shalom-bringing is always a communal event [modeled after the ultimate community: Father-Son-Spirit], but easier said than done.

I then run into the question/tension that has been brought up for me in college more than any other: how to pursue the peace-making/shalom-bringing works of God while recognizing that we (individually and communally) are most definitely not God? How to pursue the process of becoming perfect, as our heavenly father is perfect, and living knowing that we are created in his image? How to have our power perfect in our weakness, and what kind of power does that create? Ecc 8:8-10, Psalm 90, and Luke 12:25 are examples of the kinds of power we don't have. There is lots more to be said about power, but I think that my original question is answered largely by Micah 6:8. He has told you, oh man, what is good: and what does the Lord require of you but to do justice, and to love kindness, and to walk humbly with your God?

That last one, walk humbly, is key. The first two are easy to understand and are seen as generally good things in the eyes of most people. So really, what the reading and hearing the news ends up doing for me, after the repeated punches in the face because of the crappy condition of so many peoples' lives, is that much softer but strongly persistent reminder that we're not asked to take on the burdens of the world. That was done. It is amazing how difficult it is sometimes for the good news of that statement to overpower my attitude of hopelessness for the conditions of the world. And while it is easy to think that I'm a good person for wanting to care and act on all these different issues, it is also really prideful to think that I can take any of them on as my burdens, let alone all of them. Yes, we are told to bear one another's burdens to to care for others, but never without first having humility, and acknowledging who the real yoke-carrier is.

A Community of Tree People

2008-06-04T18:59:00.000-04:00

When I was little and would draw pictures in crayons of trees or hillsides or general outdoor scenery, my mom would always say, "Steffie, not all the trees are the same color. Use some different colors when you draw. It will look prettier and more realistic." My art career didn't advance much beyond that, but it reminded me this week about the diversity in nature that exists, and how it is pretty universally seen as beautiful.

No one looks at a hillside of spring or autumn trees, all different colors and heights, with no shade of green exactly the same, and says, "it would be way better if these were all the same color." The same can be said about almost anything alive in nature. Entire hobbies are devoted to discovering different bird types, flower species, whale songs, and even insect variations. Diversity, in nature, is not only beautiful, it is beneficial. There are volumes of sciency things that could be said about that statement, but to keep it pretty simple: the ultimate goal of living things in nature is to remain alive and produce offspring that remain alive. If it were true that all organisms of a certain species lived longest and produced the most offspring when they were all the same, then all those organisms would, in fact, look the same. Clearly this is not the case. And if it were the case that it didn't matter whether or not diversity existed within a species, then we would see some species look all alike, and some have diversity. This is also not the case. The remaining option, is that it is indeed a positive and beneficial living environment for all species when diversity exists amongst their own kind.

"the over three hundred thousand known varieties of beetles led biologist J.B.S. Haldane to consider that ‘God has an inordinate fondness for beetles.’ Why, one must ask, did God make creation so diverse? One can assume only that the wealth of life on earth is due to God’s extravagance. He created the squirrel not because of any real need for squirrels but because he liked the idea of squirrels. Looking upon the natural world, it is easy to sense God’s sheer joy in creation- you can imagine the delight he felt when he came up with the ridiculous idea of giraffes.

The diversity of creation is simply a reflection of who God is. God is diverse. God is triune- three in one. It is often said that the most profound theological statement in the whole Bible is that ‘God is love.’ The truth is that were God a single person, if he were one rather than three and one, we could not know him as love. As theologican Stanely Grenz put it, ‘Self-love cannot be true charity, supreme love requires another, equal to the lover, who is the recipient of that love, and because supreme love is received as well as given, it must be a shared love, in which each person loves and is loved by the other.’ It is only because the Father, Son, and Spirit respond to each other in constantly loving relationships that we can say that the very nature of God is love. The doctrine of the Trinity tells us that God is a community. God is in the constant eternal relationship."
-Intelligent Church by Steve Chalk and Anthony Watkins

Diversity generates stronger and more creative ideas and so produces more imaginative solutions to problems than are likely to result from the best efforts of a single mind. The result of being surrounded by others who will always agree with you is mediocrity. Personal growth and community creativity are born out of the tension of differing opinions, approaches, and insights.

But back to the original discussion of trees. Why is it that it is so easy for us to look out into nature and to see both the beauty and the benefits of diversity, and o difficult for us to do that with humans? Is it because we are less pretty to look at? Is it because we don't step back and look at society in the same way we look at a hillside? Is it that we have not felt the benefits of our differences? Is it that we think we are all the same?

Created things, whether books, paintings, or buildings, tell us about who created it and why. Biologists would call this relating structure with function. All basic biology books talk about how the structure of the natural world, from cells to planets, relates to their function. One does not come before the other, but rather structure and function are inexorably linked and shift together. God, as the ultimate creator, tells us about Himself through His creation. He has told us what our function is- to love God and love neighbor- and He gives us His Word to teach us how to do that, His Son to do it perfectly for us, and His Spirit to move us to do it.

So that takes care of function. What about structure? We can talk about structure in terms of our physical bodies and mental/emotional abilities. I'm interested more in structure as a society, since it communally that we make up the fullness of the image of God. If we see that differences between living things are beautiful and beneficial and tell us something about what God values, how do we structure our society so that it fits the function it has been given? God's Word says a good deal about cities, city structures, and living communally. What strikes me again and again is how He can look at individuals and communities and see the pure beauty He originally created, though fragmented, and ask us to see it too, so that we would understand Him, as our creator, more.

1 The Mighty One, God the LORD,
speaks and summons the earth
from the rising of the sun to its setting.
2Out of Zion, the perfection of beauty,
God shines forth.
-Psalm 50

networking

2008-06-01T01:19:00.000-04:00

Starting the fund development process has been a cool way of seeing how different people, places, and organizations have become connected to one another, and have each given me different tid-bits of knowledge, experience, and concern, that have shaped the things that I care about now. If find it hard sometimes to really take to heart the often tossed-out verses of Jer. 29:11" For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." And Philippians 1:6 "that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus." Ironically, hope in the future can be firmly founded in God's faithfulness in the past, and the "plan" and "good work" has really always been taken care of and grown. At the most basic level, raising support in San Diego [which has really just barely started], is like connecting the past with the present. The fact that I am even in contact with this many people form pre-Penn life is a testament to the hope/future/plan for completion. It is fun to look back [and forward] and see how the people and places here in San Diego have changed me and to return to those people and places a very different person, and show them concretely what has changed and even how they've had a part in that.

A few examples...

In high school I worked for San Diego Youth and Community Services. Next week I'm meeting with their CEO, who was just a board member like me 5 years ago, to talk about IV and them maybe supporting me. Turns out that Dr. Ross, the CEO of the California Endowment and my general hero [look down a few posts], is the biggest financial supporter of SDYCS, and so he's going to join Walter, the SDYCS guy, and I for that meeting. I only met Dr. Ross because of being an RA in Ware, and because of being on Helen Davies floor. Dr. Ross went to Penn and worked for Helen as a freshmen. It is also Helen that gave me a TA job next year for her Infectious Diseases class, and an academic job like that is one of Howard's requirements for letting me defer. So anyway, in high school when I was on the SDYCS board, one of the board members introduced me to the president of San Diego's Soroptimists chapter. They gave me a scholarship for Penn, and are actually based in Philly, and are also potential donors. SDYCS showed me the incredible brokenness of the inner city for the first time, but I wouldn't have applied for their student spot on the board if I hadn't already been interested in social justice type stuff. That part of life was influenced largely by Girl Scouts and Sue. Girl Scouts taught me about leadership and Sue, along with a few others, taught me about the importance and joy of living out the Gospel. She also gave me the application for SDYCS. The Meinert family, who are good friends with Sue and took me to church, gave me a picture of Christ-centered family and community. That community became the image of what I wanted to find in college, and that landed me looking for Christian fellowships, which brings me full circle to IV. So now, I return to San Diego, with new connections like Dr. Ross, and old ones like SDYCS and Sue, but they're all connected. And really, I could keep going with the connections.

So while the Jer 29:11 words are very true, I actually have been connecting most with a different part of Jer. 29. Before promising the exiles hope and a future, God says this: 5 "Build houses and settle down; plant gardens and eat what they produce. 6 Marry and have sons and daughters; find wives for your sons and give your daughters in marriage, so that they too may have sons and daughters. Increase in number there; do not decrease. 7 Also, seek the peace and prosperity of the city to which I have carried you into exile. Pray to the LORD for it, because if it prospers, you too will prosper."

All of these people and organizations are seeking the peace and prosperity of the city, and they have taught me to do the same. They all address different facets of city peace, and so looking at them as a whole [though they don't all know each other], is beautiful. And these people HAVE prospered, oh so much, because of what they are doing. They have fought for peace, and lived out Micah 6:8 and placed their hope in Isaiah 65; they have sought God and lived because of it.

The network is intricate. More intricate than I could have ever planned out, or than even the best career services seminar on networking could imagine. It emerges from an economy of grace.

16For by him all things were created: things in heaven and on earth, visible and invisible, whether thrones or powers or rulers or authorities; all things were created by him and for him. 17He is before all things, and in him all things hold together. 18And he is the head of the body, the church; he is the beginning and the firstborn from among the dead, so that in everything he might have the supremacy. ~ Colossians 1

God could have chosen other people and places to teach me about Him [and being infinitely good, I'm sure those other paths would have been fine :)], but I am oh so glad that He gave me the people and places that He did. Many of these people had no idea that they were moving me towards God, and while my initial reason for meeting up with them in the next three weeks is to talk about them supporting me on IV staff, pretty solidly connected to that is the chance to tell them how they've been important in my journey of faith for the last several years. 11 Yours, O LORD, is the greatness and the power and the glory and the victory and the majesty, for all that is in the heavens and in the earth is yours. Yours is the kingdom, O LORD, and you are exalted as head above all. 12 Both riches and honor come from you, and you rule over all. In your hand are power and might, and in your hand it is to make great and to give strength to all. 13And now we thank you, our God, and praise your glorious name. ~1 Chronicles 29

graduating...right about now

2008-05-18T08:43:00.000-04:00

To whom much is given, much is expected.

Dear RAs and GAs,

2008-05-02T22:30:00.000-04:00

in an email from our house dean

...I wanted to alert you to two very important things. First, please be alert and aware in these last days of the semester. This is a time when students sometimes blow off steam in inappropriate ways. Just last night a student was written up for getting drunk and lighting a chair on fire in the quad. Obviously, this is the kind of thinking that can be very, very dangerous to the student and all of us. In other words, don't sleep--it may be near the end, but we have to stay committed as this is in fact a peak time for certain kinds of problems....

you got to admit...lighting a chair on fire is at least more fun to write up than just general drunkenness...oh man.

Spreading the Safety Net- Obstacles to the Expansion of Community Health Centers

2008-04-28T15:38:00.000-04:00

During the presidency of Bush, his administration's agenda of "compassionate conservatism" with its emphasis on market-based, rather than government-sponsered, approaches to health care services and income support, has been rejected by Democrats innumerable times. This philosophical conflict has resulted in stalemates on many health care issues, and the administration's proposed 2009 budget, which calls for reductions of 200.9$ billion in Medicare and Medicaid spending over the next 5 years, only deepens the political divide. Bush has remained resolute, though, in fulfilling one early campaign pledge that most Democrats enthusiastically embrace: doubling the number of community health centers (CHCs) over a 5 year period so that millions more people who lack insurance or have limited access to private medical care can be treated as publicaly funded facilities. Bush's commitmement persuaded more Republicans to support CHCs, and the result has been a politically effective bipartisanship on this front.

The CHC initiative was launched by Lyndon B. Johnson duirng the administration's War on Poverty and got its inspiration from a South African movement that had offstarted the creation of facilities where poor workers could receive both public healht services and medical care. The primary goals were combining these disparate models and removing financial barriers to access. These goals, along with an emphasis on empowering the community to participate in decision making for CHCs by requiring that the majority of their board members be patients, were build into the centers' operating principles.

Reflecting this "power to the people" philosophy, the funding mechanism for CHCs consists of federal grants that bypass state governments and flow directly to these nonprofit, community-based organiztions. CHCs now number 1200 nationally and operate in some 6000 urban and rural sites in every state and territory and served an estimated 16.3 million people this year. 40% of the patients are uninsured and 35% are covered through Medicaid, with the remainder on Medicare or private insurance. Patients who are uninsured pay according to a sliding scale based on their ability to pay [like Esperanza in North Philly].

2/3 of CHC patients are memebers of racial or ethnic minority groups and many lack proficiency in English. More than 2/3 live on incomes at or below the federal poverty level and more than 92% have incomes below 200% of this threshold. Because their population is relatively young and disproportianly made up of young women and children, there is a high demand for primary care services.

Still, the mix of private and public activities that make up the health care system presents the centers with major challenges. As more people have lost their employer-sponsored or Medicaid coverage and become uninsured, greater demands have been placed on CHCs. Other challenges include recruiting and retaining physicians, nurses, and allied professionals who can provide primary care; securing specialty referrals for uninsured and Medicaid patients; and functioning in the face of budget cutbacks in Medicaid and SCHIP.

The number of doctors providing charity care has dropped significantly over the past decade, increasing the burden on CHCs and ERs. Meanwhile, it is difficult to attract physicians to staff positions at CHCs because hospital medical groups can offer them higher salaries. It is difficult to find specialists willig to treat uninsured patients who have no source of payment.

CHC,s which participate in policy activities largely through the National Association of Community Health Centers (NACHC), are striving to attract more physicians through natoinal, state, and local levels. CHCs meet the definition of a 'medical home' as developed by primary care medical organizations, but we will not be able to reach expansionary goals if we cannot attract a greater number of clinicians to these centers and more federal support from Washington. Despite good intentions on both sides, it remains uncertain whether Congress or the new administration will see the continued expansion of CHCs as a vital step toward reforming the health care system. Clearly, I think it's a vital step.

healthcare, community, poverty, and policy

2008-04-23T14:43:00.000-04:00

I just spent the last three hours listening to and talking with my new hero. Dr. Robert K. Ross, the president of the CA Endowment, whose goal is to expand access to affordable, quality health care for underserved individuals and communities, and to promote fundamental imporvements in the health status of all. I was so jittery and excited and at one point almost started crying because he seriously outlined exactly what I want to do with my life and gave me tons of crazy cool new ideas, and it is so strange and yet wonderful to be affirmed in those ideas by someone much older, well-known, and generally brilliant. Here is my response to some of what he said:

Health revolution #1: The late 70s/early 80s made communicable and infectious diseases the most importand health care issue. If you want to hear about the history of AIDS watch the movie "And the Band Played On."

Health revolution #2: In 1985/86 crack cocaine became the new street drug of choice. It went from 100$ per hit to 5$. It is highly addictive, causes pain to go away, releases people from depression, and only lasts about an hour. The effects of cocaine are so much greater in a community oriented framework. Since the advent of cheap crack cocaine, life expectancy in inner cities has decreased. In 1990 in Philadelphia, the average life expectancy was 48. In 1980 it was 60. The statistics are similar for Southern California. Women get addicted and how do they get their money? Prostitution. Men get addicted and how do they get their money? Stealing and dangerous street trade. The prostitution breeds STDs and unwanted pregnancy. Cocaine induces muscle contractions, so babies are born too early. Stealing and street violence produces gangs. All of the above produces unsafe streets and home environments, and there is an entire generation of young people who grew up in houses and neighborhoods where these effects were very present. What is society doing for these youths now? What is society doing for the 1980s coke addicts now? One might ask, can we really extrapolate all of these effects from one cause: cocaine? Mostly yes, but fully no. But we shouldn't be ignoring the fact that the answer really is 'mostly yes.' LA and San Diego were hit the first and the hardest with cocaine trafficking, but it clearly has become a national problem. Economics is key here. The fact that cocaine became more abundent and cheaper effected the drug market in huge ways, which in turn effected every other systemic structure of society these cocaine addicts came into contact with, from neighborhood housing, to education, to healthcare. 1 in 3 men of minority status is destined to be a part of the criminal justice system at some point in his life as of 1990. Clearly, no part of society is left untouched by these statistics...who, after all, is paying for the incarceration of these men?

The second healthcare revolution comes to a close in the early 21st century with chronic, rather than communicable, diseases being the most talked about issue. This is largely because health care organiztions and individuals gave up on trying to deal with the problems of drug dealer and prostitutes and changed their focus to the poor. The shift in healthcare brought a focus on the chronic problems of the poor: diabetes, obesity, malnutrition, hypertension, bad eyesite, some STDs, and even cancers [not an issue of the poor as much, but definitely chronic].

Heathcare revolution #3: The closer look at chronic conditions has caused healthcare organiztions and individuals to look more closely at the healthcare system at large. Chronic conditions, after all, don't go away and require long term care, so the issue becomes a systemic one rather than a 'fix-it-once' solution. If you look up the word system in the dictionary, in no way does it describe what we have in terms of healthcare. People are starting to realize that the US spends more on health care than any other country in the world, and by no means has the best health. This third revolution is focused, therefore, around bringing health. That should be a 'duh' isn't that what heathcare is for. But if you look throughout the history of healthcare in America, it really isn't. Healthcare has been structured around reaction to problems rather than action and prevention. Reactionary care is absolutely important, but it will always be incomplete. Preventative healthcare economics is predicted to be the new and revolutionary field in the 21st century.

Take a guess: how much of your life expectancy right now is determined by the quality of healthcare you receive? Between 10 and 25% depending upon your healthcare plan. That is ridiculous!! So, what else is determining your life expectancy? Race, class, social status, gender, genes, and the way these things affect the social structures you interact with. [this is all from a legit study nationally recognized].

So when I say that the new healthcare revolution is focused on health, I really mean that it is focused on extending life expectancy. This will require tackling these other seeminly non-health related issues.

How to act: it is all about neighborhoods and community. And really, it's not just because that's what I'm passioante about. This is what all studies in the last 4 years have shown. Healthcare workers who are fed up with trying to work within the confines of the system are opting out and creating neighborhood and community organiztions [some of which have grown state-wide and nationally!]. There's a guy in Harlem who picked 20 square blocks to dedicate himself to. He has fully reformed the way the kids in that neighborhood get healthcare, education, and housing/supervision at home. On his wall he has a map of his 20 blocks of Harlem, and another map of the US with pins in the different cities where these once-street kids are now going to college. This stuff works! [and it's making me cry to think about it working :)].

What about the argument: this is too small-scale? That is a valid argument [though let's not discout the fact that the small-scale efforts are working!]. Here is where the policy makers and economists come in. So far, the benefits of small scale community health care have yet to be scaled up to fit a larger national context. There are two options: Find a way to unite and scale up the several small community focused healthcare groups, or encourage lots more of them to form in as many communities as possible. I would argue that both need to happen at the same time and that they will strengthen each other. How do we create a national healthcare structure that has all of the intimacies of neighborhood healthcare? Our problem isn't that we don't know what a good healthcare structure looks like. We do know. The last 10 years have given us success story after success story of non profits, independent hospitals, and clinics which have drastically influence the health of a community. We have the structure, now we need to find a way to fit it to a larger model.

Behold, I will bring to it health and healing, and I will heal them and reveal to them abundance of prosperity and security...And this city shall be to me a name of joy, a priase and a glory before all the nations of the earth who shall hear of all the good that I do for them. -Jer 33:6,9

Fling, Flung, Flang...Fun?

2008-04-12T18:32:00.000-04:00

I got a fortune cookie once that said: "you need more fun in your life." Yeah. I know. What kind of fortune is that? I thought a lot about fun this weekend. One of my med school interview questions was: "what do you do for fun?" After a little internal chuckle, I replied: "Run, be active outside, read, play piano, talk with friends, hang out with my residents.." The guy gave me a look like "are you serious, wow, you have no life." I don't know...those seem like legit fun things to me.

It's hard to be an RA in the quad during fling and not switch into "high judgment" mode. After writing up dozens of people, coordinating medical transports, calling for barf clean-ups, and watching your relatively normal and responsible residents go totally nuts, and still having it be a part of my job to "punish" these kids, it's hard to remain judgement-free. Here I am being all good and clean and responsible and what do I get for it? hallways of barf. Not exactly the easiest moment to remmeber I've got my own internal hallways of barf...I just have the priviledge of being able to keep them relatively hidden. In that sense, there is an element of freedom, or at least honesty, in outward debachaury.

But back to the theme of fun. The lines between work and fun are not as defined for me as they are for some. There isn't much that I do that I would say is wholly devoid of fun [except pchem]. But on the flip side, I also don't do much that is wholly devoid of some kind of work. [hmm, this probably requires a definition for what exactly 'work' is] For example, I am having a great time writing my final research paper on Faulkner's representations of American cycles of poverty. That's a more nerdy example of what I mean by blending work and fun. But it does make me question: do I know how to have fun? really? Do I shirk away from fully non-work and all-fun situations because maybe I don't know how to interact in them? Do I not know how to let loose and have fun? What do these fun flingers have that I don't, in that respect? Where should the balance rest between interacting with the world around me, and drawing back to do my own thing? Is the "doing my own thing" a result of judgement/pride and even resentment that other people are having fun, and even though it's not the kind of fun I want to have, they're still having fun and I'm not? or am I really content with just having my kind of fun be a little different?

I find it somewhat problematic that at the mention of Spring Fling, my initial reaction is...ok, whose house can I go hang out at to get away from it. I can name tons of reasons for why I would more readily flee from Fling than from other situations of brokenness [and yeah, i think i can say Fling has got some brokennes to it when I find couples having sex in the public trash room...]. But at their cores, what makes one broken situation different from another? Why is it so much easier for me to love the homeless guy who refuses to accept food from me but will take my money to, theoretically, buy alcohol with? than to love drunk penn kids at fling? I mean, I do have some answers to that questions, but are they legit answers? Not really. These kids are my neighbors in the most literal sense of the word, and yet this weekend I would rather think of some obscure poverty-ridden country than about some of the more tangible problems that exist on campus. And that left me somewhat in a state of apathy this fling. I saw tons of stuff I could have written up, but didn't. I just didn't feel like putting the effort in to argue with another group of drunk people to get their Penncards and write them up and internally know that nothing was actually going to happen to them. So in that respect I'm kind of diappointed in myself that I wasn't consistent with the rules. Consistency is important when it comes to inforcing protocol. I guess it's just hard for me to see students who really do have opportunities that others will never have, simply by being here or by having grown up in the family/culture environment that they did, and then not using it. But then, I guess on the tiniest scale, that's what God feels. He gives us life and we still find ways of breaking it up. And at the end of the day, that's really why I'm not allowed any judgement on the residents I write up. Without mercy and grace, God would have written me up so many times the 'house dean' definitely would have kicked me out of the 'quad.'

pchem = antishalom

2008-04-09T11:19:00.000-04:00

sample test question [ok, obvioulsy this is not an actual question...but they sound like this when you're reading them during your hour of testing]

1) a) i) Prove mathematically the meaning of life and the existence of the universe using concepts from quantum mechanics, thermodynamics, and statistical mechanics. Complement your answer with a diagram, and label and explain the various significant points within it.

1) a) ii) Explain how the above proof physically relates to the color of the sky and the average atmospheric pressure on Neptune.

1) b) i) Using a SINGLE mathematical statement, state how a liter of high-speed fermions in South Dakota will influence the average daily rainfall in Argentina.

1) b) ii) BRIEFLY explain the above equation in your own words. Feel free to complement your answer with equations. And diagrams. With labels. And equations to explain those labels which themselves are complemented by diagrams. Feel free to continue your answer into another blue book.

Suggested time: 3 minutes

little sis' revelation on maturity

2008-03-24T07:29:00.000-04:00

an email from her:
neeeawwwwwwwwwww how cute....my little girl is alll...........big! i guess i'm the real little one though

i think the smarter you get, the more potential you have to be extremely immature. it's like climbing the stairs of immaturity. you start at the bottom and ur like, a baby. then you get smarter and take a step, and you also get a cookie and eat it, signifying smartness (now in the stomach). an so on and so forth. but if the right thing comes along to push you over, you fall down. you don't lose your cookies (aka your smarts) because you ate them....but you're back down on the immaturity. and the higher the stairs you go....the more potential to fall.....muahahaha physics. keep your cookies. but fall down the stairs every now and then (i'll make sure that happens)

love,
me

The Art of War

2008-03-16T23:04:00.000-04:00

No, I'm not actually talking about or reading the famous book, "The Art of War," but the title is still appropriate. The last week in Germany was good for many reasons. Some questions that arose during the trip, which included a good amount of WWI/II/Cold War sights: How are we to remember the victims of a war who were on the "bad guy" side? For how many generations should a nation actively remember/repent/ask forgiveness for wrongs done in the past? Is it necessary and proper to remember/repent/ask forgiveness for wrongs done by your culture/nation in which you yourself played no active role? If these steps are not taken, will the conflict always live on, however well masked it may be? What would international politics look like if world leaders acted as Daniel did when he asked forgiveness not only for his own wrongs but for those of his whole nation? And finally, what role should art play in remembering the past? They are not new questions, but newly surfaced.

Berlin is a city full of the histories of different wars. Wars though, I believe, are never fully history- they live on into the lives of future generations, the way cities are constructed, the demgraphics of cities and countries, and the art that is produced decades and centuries later. War changes people, places, and things. War changed me when I was called "nazi girl" in 6th grade, and this week, when I was reminded of my Oma's time spent in a Russian concentration camp. Where there is war, there is art. I've become pretty sure of that. War brings battle songs, propaganda drawings, victorious murals and scuptures of battle heros, carefully designed memorials, new clothing styles, and new literary genres. It transcends all types of art and no theme is left untouched, from religion to fashion to sports.

It was not until recently that Berlin [and Germany in general] began to think more intently about how to remember the Holocaust in art and education. The Berlin Holocaust memorial was constructed only this year, and the Jewish museum remembering WWII is also new to the last decade. In addition to two other main sights, the Topographies of Terror and Checkpoint Charlie, these are the main Holocuast sites of rememberance. Both of them are considered modern art and the artists intentionally left their message open to interpretation. It would take too long to describe the memorial and museum in this post [maybe the next], but the theme of using modern art that is intentionally open to interpretation to remember/memorialize the Holocaust is pretty provocative, I think.

I don't know tons about the theory and and philosophy of modern art. Wikipedia says: Modern art refers to the new approach to art which placed emphasis on representing emotions, themes, and various abstractions. Artists experimented with new ways of seeing, with fresh ideas about the nature of materials and functions of art, often moving further toward abstraction. More generally, I've always though of modern art, particularly in the late 20th and 21st centuries, to be focused on the the viewers interpretation and experience. WWII is different than other wars in that it's hard to argue about who the "bad guys" were. In some wars its hard to tell...one side started something, another responded, and it was back and forth until someone won. But wars that have more clear "good guy/bad guy" sides are, ironically, harder to memorialize, I think, because no matter what, for the rest of history you are remembering one side as bad. So I find it interesting that Germany has chosen pretty abstract art forms to commemorate the Holocaust. It's not true for all the museums/monuments there, but for many. What reponsibility do artists have to remember the past through their work when the past is pretty clear cut on who the "bad guy" was. Is it responsible to use abstract art forms to memorialize something that maybe shouldn't be left open to interpretation? Is there a danger that the viewer won't the the right message? or won't get a powerful enough message to accurately reflect the Holocaust? Is using art that is highly inteprative [as opposed to strictly factual pictures/stories...etc] a way of avoiding a more blunt picture of the past...a picture that is still really really hard for Germany to face? Is that why the Holocaust is more frequently depicted in modern art in Germany as opposed to other cities/countires that have Holocaust museums? Or will this art give a greater and more intense response?

I think in many ways that this abstract art is more for the current German people than it is for the past or to remember those who were victims. You can't force someone to feel a certain way about an event, especially if they weren't even alive during that time. But you can create ways of helping them to think about it and arive at some personal emotional response through the process. Do we run the risk though of never arriving at an emotional response if the art is "too abstract?" Why is it important for later generations to have a resopnse? I'm not totally sure, but I'm pretty sure it's important. War changes everything.

a snipit from my Great Depression Lit seminar:
"This friend of mine, Karl, is a writer. He is always hungry. You cannot stuff yourself on a dollar a week. It is not his fault he is always hungry. It is that nobody buys the stuff he writes. He writes of starving babies, and men who tramp the streets in search of work. People do not like such things. For in Karl's stories you can hear the starved cries of babies. You can see the hungry look in men's eyes. Karl will always be hungry. He will always describe things so that you can see them when you read...Werner is an artist. He paints pictures of people he sees in the park. People will not buy them though. I think it is because of the hungry look. I think if Werner would take the hungry look out of the eyes of the people in his pictures, he could buy more hamburgers and take the hungry look out of his own eyes. Karl and Werner say this would be sacrilege to art."
-Waiting for Nothing, Thomas Kromer

community

2008-02-22T15:28:00.000-05:00

Real Sex: The Naked Truth about Chastity: Lauren F. Winner

For most of human history, people of many different cultures have agreed that societies must order certain forms of exchange in order to survive. Communities have ordered language, establishing grammars nad vocabularies that shape how people comunicate with one another; they have ordered the exchange of money, property, and labor; and they have ordered the practice of sex. As essayist, poet, and novelist Wendell Berry has put it, "sex, like any other necessary, precarious, and volatile power that is commonly held, is everybody's business." In the last half-century, however, that assumption has been routed, replaced by the axioms of individualism and autonomy. Indeed, today the idea that sex "is everybody's business" sounds alternately shocking and silly...

...But in the Christian universe, the individual is not the vital unit of ethical meaning. For Christians, the most basic images, metaphors, and signs are corporate, and the basic unit of ethical meaning is the Body, the comunity. Israel experiences covenantal fidelity as a people, and the People of God is a collective- not merely an aggregate of individual persons, each doing his or her own thing, but a body. In the Bible, God elects the People of Israel as a body. He sustains them as a body. And, finally, He redeems them as a body. This talk about community is not metaphorizing. The community has a role i making ethics. Paul makes this clear when he instructs the Galatians to hold one another accountable for sin: "Brothers, if someone is caught in a sin, you who are spiritual should restore him gently. But watch yourself, or you also may be tempted. Carry each other's burdens, and in this way you will fulfil the law of Christ."

That passage in Galatians, if we construe it uncharitably, can lead us to envision a community that functions primarily as a police force: Christinas' responsibilities to one another begin and end with peering into other Christians' bedroom windows and sounding the alarm if something illicit is going on.

While one task of any community is to enforce its own codes when they are being violated, perhaps the prior task of the community is to make sense of the ethical codes that are being enforced. Here the community is not so much a cop as storyteller, telling and retelling the foundational stories of the community itself, sustaining the stories that make sense of the community's norms. This storytelling is part of hte working out of God's grace in the church. we, teh church, retell our own story- we do this every time we read scripture, every time we celebrate the Lord's Supper, and every time we minister to one another. And that reteling is part of what enables us to live into the story. It is the community that ensures that ethics is not about the dispensing of cut-and-dried answers to moral questions, but that ethics is the story with meaning and power.

personal statement

2008-02-08T00:14:00.000-05:00

It seems like so long ago that I started writing this for my med school primary app. Almost exactly a year ago. So much changes in a year. In the last year I have very much come to know God as the Father who loves to give good gifts to His children. And they really are gifts...unearned and good. Receiving from God, I've come to see, is most complete when we can offer back to Him what He gives us and allow Him to continue to shape it.

In the spring of my freshman year at Penn I asked a few friends if they wanted to join me for an organized street clean-up of West Philly. This is the kind of invitation that many feel guilty turning down, but rationalize by saying: "the trash will just reappear the next day," or " you can't do everything to try to fix the world." Both statements are true. Half a day of picking up trash has no lasting effect, and I struggled that week with the feeling that serving others is an overwhelming task- that there are too many people and places in the world that need help.

The next summer I worked at Esperanza, a Spanish-speaking medical clinic in North Philadelphia that serves the poverty-level families of the neighborhood. My days were filled with accompanying doctors in examining rooms to translate, writing and administering quality of well-being surveys to patients, and compiling these responses for the purpose of future grant proposals.

The patients at Esperanza frequently struggle with diabetes, hypertension, malnutrition, skin diseases, depression, and a wide range of STDs. I sat with physicians and observed the process of developing treatment plans for patients, often diagnosed with multiple conditions. I then accompanied the doctor during his time with the patient, translating prescriptions and medical documents into Spanish, explaining, and often re-explaining, the purpose of each drug or nutritional suggestion. Many of the patients could not read or write well enough to complete the needed paperwork without my assistance.

One afternoon I spoke with a woman who had recently emigrated to Philadelphia from Puerto Rico. She had diabetes, but could not find a successful treatment plan. When her lab results came in, I listened as the doctors problem-solved for a better combination and dosage of drugs. What intrigued me about this process was that it required a personal knowledge of the woman's medical history as well as a powerful and intricate scientific knowledge of the biochemistry unique to the drugs prescribed. Even slight changes to dosages affect the patients in individual ways. This problem-solving process required patience and a clear and systematic thought process, as the medications she had previously been prescribed should have been effective. I learned that persistence and patience were key in the medical field, and I called the woman once more to double-check the medication that had previously been prescribed to her. Through our dialogue I learned that she could not read the instructions on the pill bottles and thus had not been correctly administering the medication. I asked the woman to come in so that we could give her a more formal explanation of diabetes, the treatment plan, and the remainder of her lab work, which showed that she was also infected with an STD. When she returned to the clinic the following day, I reviewed each medication and dosage she would be receiving and helped the doctor relay vital information about diabetes to her. I saw that as a physician I would need to know the biochemical consequences of these medications, how they would affect other physical ailments or drugs, what nutritional and environmental factors could be helpful or harmful to treatment plans, and most of all, how to communicate these facts to patients in a way that is clear and compassionate. It took a lot of patience and determination to ask the right questions in order to get accurate medical and personal histories; but it often took even more patience to respond, knowing that I had to put aside complicated scientific explanations and instead deliver accurate information in ways that showed each person dignity and compassion.

After explaining diabetes and the procedure for measuring blood sugar, the doctors and I told her about her STD, Chlamydia. She was clearly upset, vexed by the issue of how she had contracted it. It was difficult and heart-breaking to then explain that if she had been faithful, it was likely that her husband had not been. It was in conversations like these that I marveled at how different genres of medicine fit together. My time spent in research at the Scripps Institute and in science classes at Penn made the process of prescribing medication and explaining the intricacies of the human body to patients in a clinic extremely meaningful.

Further experiences at Esperanza and in my current job with the UCSD clinic have shown me that many patients share similar, heart-rending circumstances. No matter how hard the doctors, nurses, and I work, we find the same stories walking through our doors every day. My time in city clinics has taught me to persist in choosing action, relationship, and communication through the moments I am tempted to settle with simply feeling overwhelmed by the condition of community healthcare. In these clinics I find myself re-living that morning when I cleaned the streets of Philadelphia, and I think back to that summer day at Esperanza when I chose to give 'esperanza,' or 'hope,' to one of my first patients. It was then that I learned that hope, emerging from persistent scientific research melded with sincere human compassion, is not only something worth giving, but what I most desire to bring to patients in tangible and lasting ways.

Life as a Wheel

2008-02-01T13:23:00.000-05:00

I said I would expand on my theory stated in "The Great Depression" post that life was like a wheel with six spokes. Here's what I wrote before:

"Let's think life as a wheel with six spokes. The six spokes would be: economics, health, learning, environment [and what it provides for you...often a living], social/sociopolitical, and spiritual. Each of those spokes deserves it's own paragraph [that'll come in the next post]. I believe God cares about each of these spokes. This model would work...except the spiritual spoke is a part of all of the others."

The hub in the middle represents abject, unrelenting, bone-grinding poverty. These people have absolutely nothing. The outer rim of the wheel representes wholeness, adequacy, "enough." Notice I didn't say "wealth" or "riches" or even "abundance". Simply the condition of having one's actual needs met.

Spoke one is economics. If you don't have much money, your options are limited. In Haiti, the poorest nation in the Western Hemisphere, the average peasant family ears 140$ USD/year by trying to grow coffee or cotton. They would like a better life for their six, seven, or eight children...to send just one of them to school would cost 50$/year. So they take a deep breath, choose one child, and send him off to learn, tightening down the screws on life's other necessities even further. In daily life a lack of money translates into a lack of options, which is perhaps a more accurate definition of poverty. The world's poor look at a situation and cannot say, "Well, I could pursue choice A, B, or C. Which one makes the most sense? Which wuld turn out best for me and my family?" No, under the circumstances, there is only choice A. That is the reality of poverty.

The next spoke of the wheel is health. A big part of health maintenance of course is getting adequate nutrition. Some people think the earth can't keep up with the food needs of its population. That is not true. In fact, the UN Food and Agriculture Organization delcared at a World Food Summit in Rome that the planet could produce enough food for every one of us to have a daily diet of 2720 calories. So why is a third of our world battling obesity and spending large sums to burn off excess calories, while the other two-thirds yearn to get more of them? Poor health is a major component of poverty and not disconnected from the first spoke, economics.

The next spoke is called learning. Poverty is greatly aggravated by the absence of information and acquired skills. Without these, the big world swirls around you like a dust storm, bombarding you from all sides with surprises that you have no way to comprehend or process, let alone overcome. An example: One of the biggest killers in the world today is diarrhea. I didn't just say it was uncomfortable; i said it could take your life. How so? Because the message passed around villages is: obviously, too much water inside of you if it is all coming out. We need to stop drinking for a while and dry out. Then it'll be okay." And children go on dying of dehydration by the hundreds of thousands. The beautiful thing is, an educated child in the developing world becomes a multiplier of learning, creating a ripple effect.

The fourth spoke is called environment. This is no sideline issue. Ivoery Coast has cut down and exported so much timber that it competes in volume with Brazil, a country twenty times as large. Since 1975, Ivory Coast has suffered the highest deforestation rate in the world. The herds of elephants, lions, hippos, leopards, antelopes, and many other animals have ben decimated as a result, which has changed things for humans as well. Haiti too is in ecological disaster. The sun beats down on the bare, parched earth and radiates upward again. Rain clouds form over the land, are driven up by the head, and then pushed off toward the sea, there to drop their precous moisture where thirsty people cannot access it.

The fifth spoke is social/sociopolitical. Poverty is, among other things, a functio nof being powerles in the hall of governments and the social structures that administer our lives. If you are fairly sure your vote won't count and that whatever taxes you pay will only end up financing a war or maybe increasing the governor's personal fortune, it is very easy to get discouraged and become fatalistic. When jobs and infrastructure improvements go inevitably to the tribe or region of the party in power, while other sections of the population are ignored, resentment grows. Corruption bleeds the meager resources that average citizens can muster, making it harder and harder for them to get on their feet. Nothing saps teh peasant's initiative faster than a sense that the system is stacked against him.

The final spoke of the wheel is called spiritual. Religious bondage can suffocate the poor in excruciating ways. This is true for those who forgo the nutrients of a meal because they feel they must obey the witch doctor's directive to sacrifice it to ward off evil, or when neighbors decline to help one another because they feel it will interfere with their karma. The starving child in the street, they say, is working out some issue from a previou slifetime, and so that process must run its course.

Jesus asked one time, "what good will it be for a man if he gains the whole world yet forfeits his soul?" All the dollars adn euros and pesos and shillings and rupees in the world will not equal the peace that comes from knowing a God who loves you. He's not out to get you or destroy you. He is, in fact, on your side. In fact, far from being peripheral, the spiritual aspect is essential to the other five spokes of the wheel.

Does God get involved with econonics- absolutely- Proverbs 14:23- all hard world brings a profit, but mere talk leads only to poverty. Scripture is full of instruction about money and labor.

Does God care about health- absolutly.

Does God care about education- yes, his entire revelation to us comes in the form of a book, which he fully expects us to read and to help others read. Teaching is a gift of the spirit

Does God care about the environment- check out Psalm 8- it is his earth, after all, he made it in the first place. He put this planet together to serve the needs of his highest creation, human beings. When we interrupt or currupt the systems that should sustain us, he is not happy. He wants to see the created order restored to its highest and best uses.

Does God care about our sociopolitical world? Definitely. Poverty and injustice break the heart of God. He warns us in Proverbs 22:22-23: do not exploit the poor because they are poor and do not crush the needy in court, for the LORD will take up their case and will plunder those who plunder them.

If we are seroius about helping overcome poverty, about moving people from the dark hole in the center to the state of wholeness ath the perimeter, we must care about all areas of their lives. It is not enough to simply favor one spoke. It's what makes community so extremely and unswervingly important. No one can care about all of those spokes alone, and i don't think we're called to do that. We refelct the image of God individually when we care about the whole, but we reflect the image of God communally when we actively care for the whole.

A Snipit from Last Year's Journal

2008-01-23T09:42:00.000-05:00

At retreat last week, Shannon had us all spend one hour doing some sort of service. We had been talking a bit about the scene in which Jesus washes His disciples’ feet, and how had they ultimately refused for that to happen, they totally missed the point of what He was all about. Without them being able to receive that from Jesus, and receiving it both on a literal physical level and knowing what it felt like emotionally for that to happen, they wouldn’t have been able to follow the next command of continuing to wash one another’s feet. Practically speaking, it was pretty gross thing to do. But after being on the receiving end of it, they had a more real motivation to follow that command. Jesus didn’t give them this random command to go wash people’s feet, but first had his disciples receive it, so that they could go out authentically.

So following that, Shannon challenged us each to spend the next hour serving someone(s). Initially I think I was like…ummm, here? What can I possibly do in one room with 50 other Christians all trying to serve one another? So as a group we started, somewhat awkwardly, to think of ways to serve one another. Some people wrote cards, gave massages, taught others something, listened, prayed, cleaned, talked…etc. I think the list of things to do was surprisingly long, at least for me, after about 15 minutes of time doing that. But it created an interesting atmosphere, because after a while, we all realized that for the service to actually ‘work,’ people had to receive from those around them. And when there are about 50 people in a room, relatively limited in their potential acts of service due to time and place, pretty much everyone had to receive from someone else, in that hour, in addition to serving.

And it caught me off guard when my initial response to that receiving was ‘no, this is my time for serving, i’m not allowed to receive now.’ So then God was like, ‘well Stef, you missed the point too.’ It isn’t possible to serve in a room full of people not willing to receive. And it makes the service frustrating. And I feel like that might be how our relationship with God is a lot of the time. Like we’ll receive up to a certain point, and then feel like, ok, you’ve given me enough, I have to give back.

The setting for that hour was one that modeled I think how I would picture the phrase ‘heaven on earth’ lived out. The service was creative, thoughtful, communal, unifying, loving, and sometimes not how I think we typically picture ‘service.’ So what I mean by that….you know that feeling of joy you get when you give a friend a present or card or something that you’re really excited for them to open and see?

And I think I question often if that feeling belongs in acts of service…if it means I’m doing it for myself, to get those feelings. And sometimes I think that’s true for everyone- we’ve all got hidden motivations and impurities in our actions a lot of the time. But this hour was good to remind me that someone else receiving my service, and me allowing myself to be excited for them, or happy that they liked it, is often me allowing myself to receive their service to me of receiving. So…allowing them to serve me by receiving their joy that came about because I tried to serve them. I don’t know if that came out right. But let’s face it, we like to make people happy, and that isn’t a bad thing. And so following that, it is then necessary to receive from other people, to allow them to have that felling of joy so that ultimately, that receiving from others serves them. And yeah, like anything, that can and does get distorted. But in that hour, it felt right, and it was very cool to feel service and receiving come together, and see them coexist not only within the same hour, but sometimes in the same few minutes. And that’s what I think helped define friendship with God and with people for me.

And in the world of non-retreat-time, it is really easy to get overwhelmed by the needs of the people we see. Actually, it is really possible to get overwhelmed by the needs of 50 Christians in a room for an hour also. And that really clearly reminded me that that feeling of overwhelmingness (that a word?) can overpower the original reason for service- that it isn’t to meet the needs of everyone and lift them up, but to seek and follow through with ways of serving that lift up Jesus, imitate Him, and create a spirit of service that lasts when there is overwhelming need, when the service isn’t overtly fun, when it’s risky, when it’s hard, when it’s washing someone’s gross and dirty feet.

The Great Depression

2008-01-17T23:34:00.000-05:00

when you hear that phrase, The Great Depression, what do you think of?

some words that come to mind: crash, 1929, dust bowl, unemployment, poverty...etc.

I'm taking an English seminar this semester on The Great Depression. Authors write about it with such emotion and passion, exlaiming the terrors of those years and blessing the future with hope that such years will never be seen again. T.S. Eliot in his poems goes as far as to suggest that it might have been better if everyone had just started off poor and then they wouldn't have had to go through the pain of losing their possessions and livlihood during the Depression.

Well, guess what? Those years are here again. They have been here for many years. Though I guess that depends on how you define "here." There are people who have lived in their own "Great Depression" for years, for their whole life. Heck, there are countries that have lived that. Sure, there are lots of reasons that the American Great Depression was unique, and it deserves a place in history books. Older folks who think back to the depression still shudder when they think about the hardship endured then. Where are the poeple shuddering for the hardship going on in the inner cities now? In countries whose modern histories could be labeled "The Great Depression?"

"It's not the same," we say, "because that country isn't America or those people aren't really a part of America. They were never the great sophisticated and industrious country that we were so therefore their current situation isn't as much of a downfall. They're used to it. It's just another one of the differences between America and other places. They're supposed to be downtrodden and we're supposed to be a superpower. That's how the world works."

America had less than 30 years of 'depression' and we have a whole genre of literature to go along with it. We have classes and textbooks about it. What if those years of depression were multiplied by 10 and then 10 again, and again, until they took up the span of a country's post-colonial history. There are millions in America who have felt and lived the emotion and hardship of the Great Depression for their whole lives. They've been jobless, hit by unfortunate circumstances, forced to move around, and sure, sometimes they've made some bad choices. But haven't we all? Why don't my bad choices affect me the way the bad choices of minority groups or poor people's do?

Jesus tells us to love our neighbor, and the command stretches us to consider who our neighbor is, ultimatlely expanding our body of "easy neighbors." What would it look like if our country took on that challenge? We would be able to say then, that the Great Depression is "here" because it is with our neighbors, whom we love. Our Great Depression looks puny compared to what millions go through every day. That is not meant to minimize the American Depression, but rather to maximize all of the others. What would countries like Rwanda or Darfur give to be able to say they just had two decades of Depression but then pulled out of it. Not everyone has the luxury of being able to look back in history and pinpoint the beginning and end of the 'bad years.' Poverty, I think, comes from the inability to do that. From the inability to look back on your life and see clear turning points and change. In daily life a lack of money translates into a lack of options, which is perhaps a more accurate defintion of poverty. Without options, it's hard to have distinct change or turning points.

Let's think life as a wheel with six spokes. The outer rim of the wheel represents wholeness, adequacy, "enough." Simply the condition of having one's actual needs met. The six spokes would be: economics, health, learning, environment [and what it provides for you...often a living], social/sociopolitical, and spiritual. Each of those spokes deserves it's own paragraph [that'll come in the next post]. I believe God cares about each of these spokes. This model would work...except the spiritual spoke is a part of all of the others.

At its very core, poverty is a mind-set that goes far beyond the tragic circumstances. It is the cruel, destructive message that gets whispered into the ear of millions by the enemy Satan himself: "Give up! You don't matter. Nobody cares about you. Look around you: Things are terrible. Always have been, always will be. Think back. Your grandfather was a failure. Your parents couldn't protect or take care of you. Now it's your turn. You, too, wil fail. So just give up!"

"Unless there is an intervension of love and hope, these seeds of apathy lead inevitably downward to an even lowe rdeath sentence called fatalism The very word stinks of death. It is the bottom- aslow as a human being can sink. When the human spirit becomes truly fatalistic, it is almost impossible to retrieve. This is complete and utter poverty, the end of the road."
-Why doesn't Poverty just go away?

Top Ten ways to get thrown out of chemistry lab

2008-01-15T09:17:00.000-05:00

10. Pretend an electron got stuck in your ear, and insist on describing the sound to others.
9. Give a cup of liquid nitrogen to a classmate and ask, "Does this taste funny to you?"
8. Consistently write three atoms of potassium as "KKK."
7. Mutter repeatedly, "Not again... not again... not again."
6. When it's very quiet, suddenly cry out, "My eyes!"
5. Deny the existence of chemicals.
4. Begin pronouncing everything your immigrant lab instructor says exactly the way he/she says it.
3. Casually walk to the front of the room and urinate in a beaker.
2. Pop a paper bag at the crucial moment when the professor is about to pour the sulfuric acid
1. Show up with a 55-gallon drum of fertilizer and express an interest in federal buildings.

ok, so these may not be from some amazing piece of literature...haha...but they ARE a part of my new hall decorations :)

To a God Unknown

2008-01-14T00:00:00.000-05:00

To a God Unknown: John Steinbeck
[the whole book is good...here's the epigraph]

He is hte giver of breath, and strength is his gift
The high Gods revere his commandments
Hi sshadow is life, his shadow is death;
Who is He to whom we shall offer our sacrifice?

Through His might He became lord of the living
and glittering world
And he rules the world and the men and the beasts
Who is He to whom we shall offer our sacrifice?

From His strength the mountains take being, and
the sea, they say,
And the distant river;
And these are his body and his two arms.
Who is He to whom we shall offer our sacrifice?

He made the sky and the earth, and His will
fixed their places,
Yet they look to Him and tremble.
The risen sun shines forth over Him.
Who is He to whom we shall offer our sacrifice?

He looked over the waters which stored His power
and gendered the sacrifice
He is God over Gods.
Who is He to whome we shall offer our sacrifice?

May He not hurt us, He who made earth,
Who made the sky and the shining sea?
Who is the God to whom we shall offer sacrifice.
~Veda

Too Small To Ignore

2008-01-13T22:41:00.000-05:00

Too Small To Ignore- Why the Least of These Matters Most: Dr. Wess Stafford

"I learned in my childhood in Africa that a child may be born in poverty, but poverty is never born in a child. The worst aspects of poverty are not the deplorable outward conditions but rather the erosion and eventual destruction of hope and therefore dreams. When a child gives up hope, dreams are forever shattered. With lost dreams goes the potential and ultimate impact that a child might have had."

"The word community is more than just a gray sociological descriptor. It is a God term, designed by the Creator of children to water their souls and enhance their spirits as they grow. To ignore this is to sow seeds of dysfunction and future trauma. To welcome the young into the center of our lives is to enrich not only them but ourselves as well."

"Americans spend more for garbage bags each year than 90 of the world's 210 countries spend for everything!"

"God's kingdom deserves excellence. It just doesn't need the conquest of anyone except Satan...competition should be our servant, a mere tool to drive us toward excellence."

"An even greater challenge is to receive graciously, especially from the hands of the poor. The Scriptures teach that it is more blessed to give than to receive. In my experience, it is also easier to give than to receive. We in the developed world are generally very awkward about it. If there is one great pearl I have witnessed in my years of ministry among the poor, it is their ability to be truly and joyfully grateful."

"Any response to the needs of the poor certainly involves money somewhere along the line. But it is not the cure-all by any means. Billions have been spent by governments and nonprofit organizations alike to relieve poverty. At the time my family and I just returned to America, President Lyndon Johnson was aggressively pushing a national "War on Poverty." It did some good, but it certainly didn't solve the problem forever. Today, forty years later, one of every six American children still lives below the poverty line.
Worldwide, it is more like one out of overy two. Think about that for a minute. This gobe, with all its resources and efforts at getting organized to meet the need, still fails to provide adequately for almost half of its precious little ones. On the test of caring for the next generations, we're scoring a lowly 54 percent, which wil get you an F at any school."

"Unless there is an intervention of love and hope, these seeds of apathy lead inevitably downward to an eve nlower death sentence called fatalism. The very word stinks of death. It is the bottom- as low as a human being can sink. When the human spirit becomes truly fatalistic, it is almost impossible to retrieve. This is complete and utter poverty, the end of the road."

Contemplation in a World of Action. Part 3 [final]

2008-01-13T18:45:00.001-05:00

Contemplation in a World of Action: Thomas Merton

"Where am I going to look for the world first if not in myself?"

"If I had no choice about the age in which I was to live, I nevertheless have a choice about the attitude I take and about the way and the extent of my participation in its living ongoing events. To choose the world is not then merely a pious admission that the world is acceptable because it comes from the hand of God. It is first of alll an acceptance of a task and a vocation in the world, in history and in time: in my time, which is the present. To choose the world is to choose to do the work I am capable of doing, in collaboration with my brother, to make the world better, more free, more just, more liable, more human."

"The great problem of our time is not to formulate clear answers to neat theoretical questions but to tackle the self destructive alienation of man in a society dedicated in theory to human values and in practice to the pursuit of power for its own sake."

"He who attempts to act and do things for others or for the world without deepening his own self-understanding, freedom, integrity, and capacity to love will not have anything to give others. He will communicate to them nothing but the contagion of his own obsessions, his aggressiveness, his ego-centered ambitions, his delusions about ends and means, his doctrinaire prejudices and ideas. There is nothing more tragic in the modern world than the misuse of power and action to which men are driven by their own Faustian misunderstandings and misapprehensions. We have more power at our disposal today than we have ever had, and yet we are more alienated nad estranged from the inner ground of meaning and of love than we have ever been."

"If our prayer is a deep and grace-inspired desire for newness of life- and not the mere blind attachment to what has always been familiar nad "safe"-God will act in us and through us to renew the Chuch by preparing, i nprayer, what we cannot yet imagine or understand. In this way our prayer and faith today will be oriented toward the future which we ourselves may never see fully realize on earth."

"Prayer is freedom and affirmation growing out of thingness into love. Prayer is the flowering of our inmost freedom, in response to the Word of God. Prayer is not only dialogue with God: it is the communion of our freedom with his ultimate freedom, his infinite spirit. It is the elevation of our limited freedom into hte infinite freedom of the divine spirit, and of the divine love."

"You who are read this are yourselves studying possibilities of renewal. Let me encourage you as a brother to forget about other people who are supposed to help you do it. Do it yourself with the help of the Holy Spirit. Find out what you are really looking for in the spiritual life. What are you seeking? Are you seeking security or are you seeking God? Are you seeking pleasant experiences or are you seeking truth?"

"But we always have to remember that all problems are illusory without some basis of natural maturity and a natural human growth. It is very important to stress these natural values. We must constantly emphasize the importance of growing up. Needless to say, we must not go to the other extreme and make everything an intense psychological problem. There are real religious problems which are not just psychological proglems; but they may be more rare than we realize. Many religious are just not mature enough to have an authentic religious crisis!"

"We get so involved in all these intellectual and abstract discussions that we forget the basic- this call of God's love to us, urging us to love him in return and to open our hearts to him and to give him our hearts so that he may fill them with love and faith. So let us then do this. Let us pray for faith, let us pray for an increase of faith and give ourselves, totally, completely, and with perfect confidence, to the God who loves us and calls us to his love."

Contemplation in a World of Action, Part 2

2008-01-07T00:32:00.000-05:00

Contemplation in a World of Action: Thomas Merton

"Man has a responsibility to his own time, not as if he could seem to stand outside it and donate various spiritual and material benefits to it from a position of compassionate distance, but man has a responsibility to find himself where he is, namely in his own proper time and in his place, in the history to which he belongs and to which he must inevitably contribute either his resopnses or his evasions, either truth adn act or slogan and gesture."

"It would prehaps be more truly monastic to say that the monk who is effectively liberated from the servitudes and confusions of "the world" in its negative and sterile sense ought to be enabled by that very fact to be more truly present to his world and to his tie by love, by compassion, by understanding, by tolerance, by a deep and Christlike hope."

"We would not seek God unless he were not already " in us," and to go "beyond ourselves" is just to find the inner ground of our being where he is present to us as our creative source, as the fount of redemptive light and grace."

"The real function of discipine is not to provide us with maps but to sharpen our own sense of direction so that when we really get going we can travel without maps."

"Obedience then becomes an expression of hte new life and the new creation which restores the simplicity and peace of paradise to a communal life in whcih each is the servant of all, and each finds fulfillment in a meaningful service of love that is inspired and vivified by the presence of Christ in his Spirit. Obedience is in truth a dialogue between two responsibilities- that of thesubject and that of the superior- and i ncarrying out his superior's command the subject cannot allow himself to abdicate moral responsibility and act as a mere utensil. It is also a dialogue between two forms of service."

"Humility, poverty, and love. It is by this spirit of apostolic renunciation that the monk, in spite of his essential solitude, can be open to the needs and to the anguish of hte world and hence exercise his apostolate which is above all the apostolate of understanding and of compassion."

"Is the contemplative life to be considered a state of interior recollection and an affective absorption in God considered as Infinite Love, or is it a resopnse to the concrete Word of God manifesting to us his will and his love not only for ourselves as individuals but for the whole family of man redeemed by the Cross of Christ...Is the cloistered life merely to escape from the troubles and conflicts of the world to a condition of security and peace in which we "rest" and "taste" the consolations of intimacy with God? Or does it mean sharing the anguish and hope of a world in crisis in which millions struggle for the barest essentials of human existence?"

"Openness works two ways. On both sides there is giving and receiving. The result is, or should be, a real increase of charity, a greater love of the conteplative for the world created and redeemed by God, a greater love of the noncloistered person for God, found and experienced more deeply in temporary contact with the cloister."

"What people seek today is not so much the organized, predigested routine of conferences and exercises, but an opportunity to be quiet, to reflect, and to discuss in informal, spontaneous and friendly encounters the things they have on their minds."

Contemplation in a World of Action, Part 1

2008-01-07T00:27:00.000-05:00

Contemplation In a World of Action: Thomas Merton

“Togetherness is not community. To love our brother we must first respect him in his own authentic reality, and we cannot do this if we have not attained to a basic self-respect and mature identity ourselves. Are our efforts to be more “communal” and to be more of a “family” really genuine or are they only new ways to be intolerant of the solitude and integrity of the individual person? Are we simply trying to submerge and absorb him and keep him from finding an identity that might express itself in dissent and in a desire for greater solitude? Are we simply trying to guard against his entering a “desert” of questioning and paradox that will disturb our own complacencies?”

“Do not be impatient and do not be afraid. Do not imagine that everything depends on some instant magic transformation of constitutions and of laws. You already have what you need right in your hands! You have the grace of your vocation and of your love. No earthly situation has ever been ideal. God does not need an ideal situation in order to carry out his work in our hearts If we do what we can with the means and grace at our disposal, if we sincerely take advantage of our genuine opportunities, the Spirit will be there and his love will not fail us. Our liberation, our solitude, our vision, our understanding and our salvation do not depend on anything remote from us or beyond our reach. Grace has been given us along with our god desires. What is needed is the faith to accept it and the energy to put our faith to work in situations that may not seem to us to be promising. The Holy Spirit will do the rest.”

“But the goal of human freedom, peace, and unity is not unchristian in itself. On the contrary it stems from the New Testament idea of freedom before God, the freedom of the sons of God, the dignity of man redeemed in Christ and man’s vocation to work out historically, in harmony and love, the redemption of the whole world in Christ. Hence these characteristic modern aspirations should represent no special difficulty to us. We should be able to “save” and “redeem” those aspirations which are authentically germane to Christianity even though buried in a matrix of atheism.”

“Critics have also noted the American fear of loneliness. Individual identity is sacrificed in an effort to stay close to the herd, to be no different from others in thought, feeling, or action. To stand aside, to be alone, is to assert a personal identity which refuses to be submerged. Society will not tolerate this. Innumerable social features are designed to prevent it. Yet one of the surest signs of the resolution of the identity crisis is an increased capacity for being alone, for being responsible for oneself. The gradual process that will end in perfect identity involves an awareness of the fact that there are decisions in life and aspects of life’s struggle that a person must face alone. Here is the paradox: the more richly a person lives, the more lonely, in a sense, he becomes. And as a person, in this formative isolation, becomes more able to appreciate the moods and feelings of others, he also becomes more able to have meaningful relationships with them. But the unwritten code of our national culture prohibits aloneness, and this is the second causative factor for a prolonged identity crisis: the obstacles our society imposes to prevent personal reflection.”

“Perhaps our problem consists in wanting to have problems and consequently creating them out of nothing in order to seek solutions! It seems to me that we are now becoming self-consciously and naively “modern.” Hastily and uncritically adjusting any and every formula that seems to fit the new situation, without “changing our minds” in any deeper sense. Basically our trouble remains the same: an obsession with questions and answers, with problems and solutions, with momentous decisions and even with “identity” raised to the level of a kind of absolute.”

“To choose a value that is questioned and doubted is to place oneself in the position of being doubted. The mature person is able to assume this risk.”

“Our first task is to be fully human and to enable the youth of our time to find themselves and develop as men and sons of God. There is no need for a community of religious robots without minds, without hearts, without ideas, and without faces. It is this mindless alienation that characterizes “the world” and life in the world. Monastic spirituality today must be a personalistic and Christian humanism that seeks and saves man’s intimate truth, his personal identity, in order to consecrate it entirely to God.”

“It is true that “times have changed,” but are they not rather the “times” of the “world?” The truth is one and eternal. It does not change."

Augustine's Christmas sermon

2008-01-07T00:25:00.000-05:00

Sermons to the People: Augustine of Hippo

My dearly beloved Brothers and Sisters in Christ! Here we are at midnight. Candles all around. You’re my children of light tonight, adopted tots in the kindergarten of the Lord! Have I got good news for you this holy eve! It’s from the Psalmist! Rejoice in the Lord! Raise bold, laudacious sounds as only the just can do! Yes yes, you already know what I’m going to say, but hear it anyway with a kind and open ear.

First off, come to love the things you believe!
Then speak out about the things you love!

Yes, we’re celebrating this anniversary day. Christ is born! God of the Father! A human being from a human mother! From the immortality of the Father- from the virginity of a mother. From the Father comes the Principle of Life- from His mother, the end of death!

Yes, my Brothers and Sisters, it’s the Angelic Voice we hear today! A rousing ovation! A feathery fluttering! The Savior came to save us today! What meaning can all this angelistic activity possibly have for us? The angels are His heavenly messengers; we’re His carrier pigeons. Ambrosia aplenty for them; manna galore for us.

A question arises. Just what was that heavenly fare? The Evangelist John had the answer.
“In the beginning was the Word…and the Word was made Flesh, and dwelled among us.” Whose Word? The Father Himself. What Word? The Son Himself. Never the One without the Other.

For humankind to eat the Bread of Angels, the Creator of Angels baked a loaf, the Loaf of Loaves; that’s to say, He was made man. He nudges the stars, but nurses from the breast.

Truth has sprung from the earth, or so the Psalmist has sung. Christ is born of the flesh- and that’s what we’ll sing today! We prayerfully presume we’re the Songs of God. Why? Because we’ve received the power to be such. For your sake the Timeless Cause of time has become a temporal effect Himself. Because of you, my dear Brothers and Sisters in Christ, the Founder of the World has made His appearance in the flesh. Because of you the Creator has become a creature. Now I know you find this hard to believe, so I ask you to believe something else first. God was made man so that He could make men into gods. Without losing a slip of what He was, He wanted to become what He’d made. That’s to say, He made what He already was. How? By adding human nature to Divine Nature without at the same time losing His Divine Nature in that human nature.

When the Wordiness of an Other-worldly God revealed itself as a worldly if worldless tot, and when the Word of God let out, if not the Wisdom of God, then an unholy howl, that’s when we’re talking about the Birthday of the Lord. The Scholars in the East read the Divine Event in the skies. The Shepherds in the hills heard the Angelic Voices. We get the word today, the anniversary of the event, in the solemnity of our celebration. In it we refer to the Psalmist’s prophecy: Truth has sprung from the earth, and Justice has looked down from Heaven. The Truth that holds the world together with rugged hands has sprung from the earth so that He may be held by His mother’s lacy fingers. The Truth that overflows the Heavens’ banks has sprung from the earth so that it may lie within the friendly confines of a manger.

Where did “peace on earth” come from? From the Truth that sprang from the earth; that’s to say, from Christ who was born of the flesh.

The Lord has made all things, and yet He takes His stand among the very things He’s made. He’s the Revealer of His father, and at the same time He’s the Creator of His mother. He’s the Word of God before there were timepieces; He’s the Word made flesh who stoped the clock when He was made flesh. He made the sun with His own hands, and yet He Himself was made under the light and heat of the sun. He remains with His Father, and yet He goes forth from His mother. He’s the Creator of the heavens and the earth; and yet He takes His own rise under the heavens and the earth. As God He has more Wisdom than He can mouth, and yet as a babe He hasn’t enough mouth to utter the Wisdom He knows. His divinity isn’t underwhelmed by His humanity, nor is His humanity overwhelmed by His divinity. He didn’t abandon His divine agenda when He picked up His carpenter’s tools. He didn’t stop holding His universe together with His might arms while He was trying to catch flies with His baby fingers. He put on the clumsiness of the flesh when He entered the Virgin’s womb, and yet His movement throughout the universe wasn’t hampered by the baggy pants. He didn’t take away the food of Wisdom from the Angels while He was supplying us with the sweetness of the Lord.

Let’s stroll in the light of His aura!
Let’s rejoice in His presence!
Let’s be truly glad He’s here with us today, of all days!