Wednesday, March 24, 2010

How you doin'?

Hmmm...it's been a while. Usually when I don't blog for several months it either means that I have had more "in person" processing time, or that I'm really busy. Both are true in this case.

As I've accumulated more and more long-distance friendships, or friends whom I only get to see every few months, I've had more and more trouble answering the question, "how are you doing?" upon our reuniting. I generally find this a difficult question to answer because it is so broad, but it feels even more difficult when there are weeks or months worth of responses to somehow combine into a coherent thought.

So instead, here are two questions I've decided are easier for me to answer (and ask).
1. What is it like to be you right now?
2. How have you been living?

In my mind, these two alternatives are essentially asking the same thing, but leave more room to respond with something other than, "I'm fine/good/bad/ok. And how are you?" They draw out a more full response, and bring up the points that the other person is really most interested in sharing, I've found. They are questions that allow you to describe your actions (work, rest, play, things you have done recently), but also just describe a general emotional state or rhythm of life.

The first question in particular seems to allow you (or me, at least) to describe yourself in relation to your surroundings, work, relationships, emotional state...etc. The second questions allows you to describe life in a way that is more holistic (more of a focus on living, than just doing/being) than when answering the question "how are you doing?" Perhaps the distinction is too nuanced, but for me these have been more helpful questions to ask others, and be asked in return. They help me to "get into a person's shoes" and understand a little bit more what life is currently like for them.

I wonder how I might be able to tweak some of the standard doctor-patient questions to allow more room for a holistic response?