Ambulence Sirens

I live a little under a mile away from Howard University Hospital. One of the things this particular hospital is known for is its excellent trauma department. I hear ambulances with blaring sirens going down the main street near my apartment all the time. At least one per hour, I would estimate, and sometimes more depending on the day and time.

I had an exam this morning, which meant that the last few days were consumed with studying. Since I have been studying mostly in my apartment, I hear these ambulances quite frequently. Hearing them while studying to become a doctor is an excellent characterization of some of my current frustration with being a student again. There I am, slaving away memorizing which enzymes cleave which parts of DNA, when, how, and what the significance is, and out there is all the action: real doctors with real patients.

Of course I am glad that those real doctors went to med school and learned their stuff, and that this is simply the stage of life I am in right now. I am generally someone who really enjoys school. I enjoy learning, and sometimes studying, and I am able to make the connection between working responsibly as a student in a subject area I love and worshipping God. God's given me a mind that can think and learn in a paticular way, and a desire to learn a particular set of material. Ignoring or not using that gift is not glorifying to Him, and I believe that God delights when we live and move and have our being in accordance with the way He made us, rather than trying to invent false selves.

But sitting there studying, even though I can feel connected to God in doing so, still leaves me longing to be out in the "real action." It isn't because the studying is boring, or because I don't understand its importance. Even Israel had to go through massive training in the "wilderness school" before being ready to live in the promised land. Yet, it is easy to disconnect time spent studying or "in training" from God's greater purpose. But the second they are disconnected, the preparation looses its purpose and despair ensues. Israel had to continually be reminded about who God is and what He promised not only because they were forgetful and it is important to not forget about God, but because their life situation wouldn't have made any sense outside of that context. They had to intepert the present through God's work in the past (creator and liberator), and through His promise for the future. Without the past there would have been no trust or sense of identity, and without the future there would have been no hope. And yet trust, identity, and hope are to be used in the present.

So in some ways, the amublance sirens are helpful in reminding me about the future (not that I want to be a trauma surgeon...). They also have the temptation of allowing me to think that for now my job is to study and that one day my job will be to heal people, when in fact we are created to preserve life, or "be salt," at all times, not just after going through the proper training.